Stories By Cham Bana
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Illinois
Top 10 Ways to Improve Your Resume When You Failed to Get an Internship This Summer, You Fucking Idiot
While your nerdy friends who “study” and “don’t get belligerently drunk every Tuesday at Wine Night”...
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Illinois
ICES Forms? No Thanks, I Don’t Support Terrorism
Once a semester students are asked to anonymously evaluate the instructors and the classes they’re enrolled...
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Illinois
Top 10 Small Talk Topics to Use While Waiting to Be Let Into HERE Apartments
Being stuck outside HERE apartments with a stranger combines the two worst things humans can ever...
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Illinois
Top Ten UIUC Ad Libs to Jump Start Your Mumble Rap Career With
It’s not easy being a mumble rapper in 2018. The front page of SoundCloud has been...
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Illinois
Department of Chemistry Offers Extra Credit to Engineers Who Use Safety Showers Before Class
In efforts to reduce the odor of its laboratories, the University of Illinois’s Department of Chemistry...
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Illinois
People Blocking the Bike Lanes Are Plants from Big Transport to Force You Into Using CUMTD
James Garrison, director of the CUMTD, admitted last Tuesday that the company has been hiring “plants”...
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Illinois
Illini Orange Krush Fans Are Paid Crisis Actors Hired by The Deep State
A secret document released by defunct Secretary of State Rex Tillerson has revealed that the Illini...
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Illinois
8 Ways to Close the Deal When You Can’t Ask Her to Come Back to Smoke Because of Your Internship
A wise man once said, “A man’s best friend is a dog, but a woman’s best...
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Illinois
Ike Dining Hall Soft Serve Machine Destroyed After Breaking and Entering by McDonald’s Staff
The Ikenberry Dining Hall is in a state of turmoil after the breakdown of its soft...
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Illinois
Booze Review: Anti-Hero IPA
Hmm, here’s a new one: a revolution-themed IPA. Perfect for someone looking to take the edge...