Dan Mann

Dan Mann

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Eric Dungey Dreading Semester Where “I’m The Quarterback” Just Doesn’t Do it Anymore

According to sources close to the ~quarterback~, Syracuse sophomore Eric Dungey is mortified at the idea of his go-to line just not doing it for SU students and faculty alike.“He’s worried his primary panty-dropper just won’t send spine shivers like it did last semester,” said Dungey’s athletic trainer, Doug Flake.With Syracuse football going just 4-8 […]

Otto to Enter Rehab As Finals Near

Otto the Orange, the mascot of Syracuse University, checked himself into rehab this past weekend.Otto cited the rampant stress of finals week was getting to his soft, citrusy interior. “My schedule is ass,” the orange notes, as he is taking 19 credit hours. “I’m stuck in all these butt 400-level classes, How to Vitamin C […]

Millennials at SU Slowly Starting to Swipe Left On Democracy

“Democracy just doesn’t do it for me anymore,” said Anthony Spitzer, SU student and avid millennial, as he swiped left on Democracy’s PoliTinder profile.“At first it was so sexy, it seemed so free. But now, after seeing what it can do, I’m starting to look at other options to spend my life with.”Spitzer is not […]

6 Syracuse Dining Hall Foods Better Than Those F***king Chicken Nuggets

Ask any drunk girl at Syracuse 30 minutes into a tailgate what they want to do most, and 90% of them will say they want to eat chicken nuggets. But what if there was another way to get that satisfying crunch, or salty goodness? Syracuse dining halls have plenty to offer, so maybe you should […]

“It’s Freezing,” Says SU Freshman and Los Angeles Native

SYRACUSE – With Winter well on its way, temperatures in Syracuse are starting to tick down. For Jill Schwartz, a freshman Whitman student from Los Angeles, the cold has been unbearable.“This freezing weather has just been horrible – I can’t leave my dorm without freezing my belly button ring off.”She noted that the 59 degree […]