Dean Paul

Dean Paul

Staff Writer

DePaul University
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Trail of Dead Animals Leads to DePaul Republicans

“I walked up to it to see if it was still breathing, but it was VERY dead. Next to the cat was the word 'cuck' written in blood.”

How To Make the Most of Getting Mugged at DePaul

Unlike most campuses, the city can be very harsh. A state school bully may shove you in a locker, but a city-campus bully might shoot you with bullets.

How to Be a Good DePaul Catholic Over Spring Break

Spring Break is going to tempt you like Eve in the Garden of Eden, so we put together a guide to keep you focused and snake-free.

Esteban and Holtschneider: A Twist of Fates

As an important and reliable news source on campus, we have taken it upon ourselves to share this story that we definitely didn't write.

Coach Leitao’s 6 Extreme Strategies for Recruiting Decent Athletes

Newly inducted President Esteban isn’t a pushover like Holtschneider was, so he’s allowed Coach Leitao to take extreme measures to recruit some actual athletes for DePaul.

Alt-Right Members Begin Kissing Kids in Solidarity with Milo Yiannopoulos

In solidarity with Milo’s “free speech,” alt-righters are aimlessly wandering around their towns looking for children to stare at and maybe kiss a little.

Father Holtschneider’s Post-DePaul Sexual Bucket List

Daddy Holt is finally free with DePaul hiring some heathen to take his place. So what could possibly be less religious than getting some good f*** on?

Please Join DePaul’s New Club: The DePaul Radical Moderate Alliance

A portion of DePaul’s population has yet to be represented by an organization: the moderates. Luckily, these passionately neutral students got together.

Gaining Campus Relevancy for Dummies: A Guide for DePaul Athletes

Take it from us, the most relevant people on campus -- you need to make a sex tape. Or maybe not, but there are a few cheap ways to get people interested!

The SAC is a Bleak Pit of Despair Built To Make Everyone Very Very Sad

There are also a handful of hallways that end with a wall. They built the SAC with those dead ends in order to make students feel helpless.