Dean Paul

Dean Paul

Staff Writer

DePaul University
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The Top 6 False Promises DePaul Tricked You Into Believing

As we round out the quarter, here are the top six of the ways DePaul said one thing to get you here, then turned around and did the opposite.

Top 5 Changes DePaul Could Make That’d F*** You Over Real Nice

We dreamed up some terrible yet all-too-possible situations in which DePaul could really lay it down on the student body.

Trail of Dead Animals Leads to DePaul Republicans

“I walked up to it to see if it was still breathing, but it was VERY dead. Next to the cat was the word 'cuck' written in blood.”

How To Make the Most of Getting Mugged at DePaul

Unlike most campuses, the city can be very harsh. A state school bully may shove you in a locker, but a city-campus bully might shoot you with bullets.

How to Be a Good DePaul Catholic Over Spring Break

Spring Break is going to tempt you like Eve in the Garden of Eden, so we put together a guide to keep you focused and snake-free.

Esteban and Holtschneider: A Twist of Fates

As an important and reliable news source on campus, we have taken it upon ourselves to share this story that we definitely didn't write.

Coach Leitao’s 6 Extreme Strategies for Recruiting Decent Athletes

Newly inducted President Esteban isn’t a pushover like Holtschneider was, so he’s allowed Coach Leitao to take extreme measures to recruit some actual athletes for DePaul.

Alt-Right Members Begin Kissing Kids in Solidarity with Milo Yiannopoulos

In solidarity with Milo’s “free speech,” alt-righters are aimlessly wandering around their towns looking for children to stare at and maybe kiss a little.

Father Holtschneider’s Post-DePaul Sexual Bucket List

Daddy Holt is finally free with DePaul hiring some heathen to take his place. So what could possibly be less religious than getting some good f*** on?

Please Join DePaul’s New Club: The DePaul Radical Moderate Alliance

A portion of DePaul’s population has yet to be represented by an organization: the moderates. Luckily, these passionately neutral students got together.