Diego Manischewitz

Diego Manischewitz

Chief Campus Editor

University of Illinois
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We Applied for The Head Illini Men’s Basketball Coach Position

e decided to apply for the head coach role ourselves and we truly 100% did this. We’re confident we can get the Illini back into the NCAA tournament.

Spring Break in Cabo Just Worst Aspects of Red Lion

UIUC frat boys and sorority girls are going to Cabo next week for Spring Break, but past vacationers warn about Cabo and it’s similarities to Red Lion.

UIUC Engineer Sprinting With Backpack On Definitely Just Got Laid

Another University of Illinois civil engineering major was (unsurprisingly) spotted running across the Engineering Quad this week with his North Face backpack bouncing up and down his sweaty back. However, the reason why he was sprinting in the first place has surprised some.“Rumor has it is that goober literally just lost his virginity at Scott […]

Josh Whitman Excited To Blow Another $21 Million On Continued Mediocrity

After five disappointing and awful seasons, UIUC athletic director Josh Whitman fired the head men’s basketball coach John Groce.

QUIZ: What Should You Protest at UIUC?

The warmer March weather will sure make you want to protest something, so take this helpful quiz to find out what you should protest next.

Red Lion Hits Profit Goals Solely From Money Found in Lost Wallets

Red Lion is one of the most profitable bars at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, however the main reason for their financial success may surprise some.“Everyone says us charging $10 cover is how we make that sweet money, which is a totally fair assumption,” said Red Lion Manager Matt Carney. “But really most of […]

Dozens of iClickers Shattering on Ground In Lecture Metaphor for How Semester is Going

As the middle of spring semester rolls around at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, the sound of iClickers hitting the ground and falling apart becomes an all-too-familiar sound in lecture halls across campus. Some say the iClicker escaping a student’s lap is somewhat of a metaphor for their crappy semester.“Every damn iClicker that falls […]

Moonlight Wins Last Minute Best Picture After Academy Voters Heard It Was Good

Coming-of-age film Moonlight won three Oscars, including a very last-minute Best Picture. Amid controversy, Academy voters were happy to see the film win and cited a very specific reason for why they voted for the film in the first place.“I heard Moonlight was fantastic,” said long-time Academy voter Matthew Carney. “I uh, didn’t see it, […]

Champaign Police Plans To Perform IQ Tests To Target ISU Students at Unofficial

Unofficial brings many people from other universities to celebrate the daylong drinking marathon. Unfortunately, students from schools like Illinois State University (ISU) act irresponsibly, and commonly become student who get arrested. Knowing this, University Police have thought of a new tactic to deal with ISU students.“Usually, we arrest students for public intoxication during Unofficial by […]

UI Chancellor On Chief Unofficial Shirts: “I Can’t Stop These Pieces of Sh*t Kids From Being Pieces Of Sh*t”

16 University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign faculty senators are angered by the number of Unofficial shirts that don a parody of Chief Illiniwek. They demanded a statement from Chancellor Robert Jones on the matter with a resolution that was sent to Jones last night.“Every year we see these dumb kids wear Chief Unofficial shirts that […]