Miss Westoff

Miss Westoff


New Cracked Restaurant Haunted By The Ghost of Antonio’s Past

The owners of Cracked vehemently denies any paranormal activity at their new location. The new store will be open daily for breakfast sandwiches.

QUIZ: What U of I Dorm Did You Lose Your Virginity In?

We bet we can guess which shitty U of I dorm you lost your virginity in with just a few questions. Come on, we all lost in a dorm.

Green Street Papa John’s to Change Name to “Daddy Johns” in Attempt to Reach Youth Culture

The move is just one in a series by the Green Street Papa John’s to attempt to make their pizza more accessible to the “meme generation.”

Tragic: Frat Bro Forgets To Take Pre-Workout Before ARC, Has “Mediocre” Workout

Chuck pounds Creatine pre-workout in a large plastic shaker bottle, so that everyone in his 8 a.m. lecture knows that he works out.

QUIZ: What’s Your Illini Stripper Name?

Being a broke college student ain’t easy. You may have considered moonlighting as a stripper just to pay for bar cover. Lucky for you, we’ve put together this quiz to help you brand yourself for your new, wild job. Drunk people say the darndest things:

Top 7 Most Overused Unofficial Instagram Captions You Probably Used

The only thing that wasn’t basic on Friday was your blood alcohol content. Now that Unofficial is over, go back to posting your photoshopped selfies.

7 Ways to Cut Your Unofficial Shirt to Make It Sexier

Follow these simple Unofficial T-Shirt hacks to really flaunt your goods this Friday. Even if you end up throwing up, at least you’ll look hot doing it.

Does Unofficial Live Up To The Hype?

Unofficial is right around the corner and people you haven’t spoken to in two years are probably already hitting you up to come visit. You’ve been spammed with various “clever” Unofficial shirt designs and you’ve heard freshmen talking about Unofficial like it’s the goddamn Second Coming. This raises the question: does Unofficial truly live up […]

UIUC Sorority Girl Can’t Find The Right Drake Lyric For Instagram Caption, Decides To Not Post Picture

UIUC junior Jessica Valeno never dreamed that she would later encounter a heartbreaking caption dilemma. They call it "Drake's Dilemma."

How To Take Her Swimming On The First Date When The ARC Pool Is Closed

Unfortunately, the ARC outdoor pool is closed during the winter months so we’ve put together a list of places you can take her swimming instead.