Ethan S

Ethan S

Staff Writer

Badger Fans Concerned Nigel Hayes Just Now Realizing He Needs to Step His Game Up

Even Becky Blank has expressed worry that Hayes’ legacy could be in jeopardy if he ends his four year tenure with the Badgers on a low note.

Closeted UW Republican Comes Out to Fraternity, Brothers Are Totally Accepting

A closeted Republcian frat boy came out about his political identity to his fraternity brothers, and they went on hazing him like usual.

6 Most F*cked Up Things to Happen at UW

There’s gotta be some weird shit that’s happened here at UW that will make you go, “Wow, I mean, I’ve seen worse, but still.” Right?

Jordan Hill’s Five Step Plan to Completely Replace Nigel Hayes

An anonymous source leaks a five step plan created by Hill that will help him take Nigel Hayes' spot on the UW men's basketball team.

UW Researchers Discover Parallel Universe Where Thong Cape Scooter Man is 45th President of U.S.

The UW physics department has discovered what appears to be a parallel universe that is nearly exactly the same as ours, but with one small difference.

UHS Defunded to Put UW Students’ Tuition Money to Better Use

Conservative majority of the Associated Students of Madison proposes to defunds student health services, says it prevents students from "growing up".

10 Reasons Why 2016 Blew Major D**k

It’s quite the consensus that, regardless of your views on pretty much anything, 2016 was just kind of a shit year. Here, in no particular order, are 10 reasons why.10.) Everyone’s Zodiac Signs Changed: That damn calendar caused everyone’s Zodiac signs to shift. If you were a strong-willed Aries, now you’re now a lazy-ass Pisces. […]

5 Easy Ways UW Could Have Let Us Know We’re On Our Own for Second Meningitis Shot

Many students have been up in arms recently about the news that the university would not be providing the second dose of the meningococcal virus serogroup B vaccine to students. We get that it’s hard to break bad news to young, entitled millennials, so here’s some phrases that aren’t “You’ve taken an important step to […]

Russians Admit to Providing Aid to Minnesota In Saturday’s Game, Gophers Still Manage To Lose

For those who attended the football game over the weekend, the sheer anxiety of possibly losing the axe to Minnesota followed by the utter excitement of giving those Gophers another middle finger for the 13th year in a row will be nothing new to you. The game was close, and although Wisconsin once again came […]

Badger Basketball Team Ranked by the Sexiness of Their Names

In honor of the first basketball game tonight, we decided we would rate every basketball player, not by their own sexiness, but by the sexiness of their very name itself. What’s in name, you ask? Sex appeal, that’s what. 17.) Michael Ballard: Ballard is kind of a funny name. Not really sexy though… 16.) T.J. […]