Henry Gray

Henry Gray

UMN Ranks Third Nationwide for People Who Just Want to Get the Fuck Out of Here

The University of Minnesota has the third highest number of graduates who will soon get the fuck out of this country by volunteering for the Peace Corps.

What Your Brain Looks Like Based on Which UMN College You’re In

Thanks to cutting edge research at the University of Minnesota, your brain can be scanned to tell you- and everyone else- exactly who you really are!

Carlson Student Looking Forward to “Great Cultural Experience” in Cancun for Spring Break

Citing an appreciation for the culture and “the best Mexican food outside Chipotle,” Carlson sophomore Brent Reynolds eagerly discussed the details of his upcoming spring break trip to Cancun.“People think that it’s just a big party city where college students go to get lit and laid on the beach, you know? But really there’s a […]

New UMN Med School Program Gives Freshmen Fast Track to 6 Figures of Student Debt

The UMN Medical School will select 10 incoming freshmen who will be guaranteed both admission to the Medical School and lots of debt.

Trump’s Administration to Attend UMN to Learn How to Do Their Jobs

UMN is proud to welcome several Trump officials into our student body in the hopes that maybe they’ll learn how to do their fucking jobs.

Area Nazi Doesn’t Get What the Big Deal is With 17th Avenue Swastika Thing

“Next you’ll be telling me that hanging anti-Semitic fliers is ‘morally outrageous’ or ‘a dangerous sign of rising hate on both a local and national level.’