The Class of 2017 has passed from this mortal coil, graduating at approximately 4:00 p.m. on Sunday, May 14th. How the class came to graduate is uncertain, as most of the students were reportedly suffering from acute senioritis. They were projected to fail all their classes, keeping them trapped here for at least another semester […]
After years of pleading from students for an actual break in the fall term, rather than the shitty four days for Thanksgiving right before finals, the university is finally making it a reality. UMN students will now have the entire month of November free of classes. “I can’t tell you how many letters I’ve gotten […]
While now explicitly stated in state funding bills, University officials have confirmed that Kaler appropriates money to run his drug dealing side-business.
Goddamn, Spring Jam. You fucked it up again. We all know that Spring Jam isn’t really that jamming. It’s an excuse to get drunk outside in the sun after a long, long winter of claustrophobic indoor drinking. The music is incidental; when you’re wandering around Lot 37 fully blacked out, who cares if you’re listening […]
The University of Minnesota has the third highest number of graduates who will soon get the fuck out of this country by volunteering for the Peace Corps.
Thanks to cutting edge research at the University of Minnesota, your brain can be scanned to tell you- and everyone else- exactly who you really are!
Citing an appreciation for the culture and “the best Mexican food outside Chipotle,” Carlson sophomore Brent Reynolds eagerly discussed the details of his upcoming spring break trip to Cancun.“People think that it’s just a big party city where college students go to get lit and laid on the beach, you know? But really there’s a […]
The UMN Medical School will select 10 incoming freshmen who will be guaranteed both admission to the Medical School and lots of debt.