Jamie Clauson-Wolf

Jamie Clauson-Wolf

Staff Writer

UC Santa Barbara
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6 Ways UCSB Could Improve Dead Week Without Actually Killing Anyone

Due to our newfound knowledge, we have decided to offer UCSB several ways to make dead week better without legitimately making anyone die.

6 Beer Die Rules to Honor Our Troops

Beer Die is the game of choice for us Gauchos, but whenever you play, do you feel utterly unpatriotic? Well, here’s the cure to that.  6.) Sing the National Anthem Before Each Toss: There is no better way to let our veterans know that you care about them than by singing the complete National Anthem […]

Cubs Fans Waited 108 Years for World Series Win, But I’m Still Waiting for My SBMenus Order

It’s been a wild and crazy ride for Cubs fans over the last century, but one thing is for sure: SBMenus still hasn't delivered my fries.

OPINION: YG Was So Good He Blew My Dick and Balls Clean Off

YG was so great at rap that he may be the first Halloween rapper to have blasted your balls and/or clitoris irreversibly off your body.

7 Ways to Celebrate a Goal Against SLO Without Getting Naked

Each year UCSB and Cal Poly play a soccer game at Harder Stadium, and each year we win or lose or tie the game. But not this year!

Second Debate Hot Take: Clinton is a Piece of Undercooked Pasta And Trump is a Small, Dusty, Nipple Clamp

Trump makes me feel dirty when he talks, just like how I felt when I used those clamps for over an hour this summer on a particularly lonely afternoon.

Open Letter – F*ck/Marry/Kill: Me, Chancellor Yang, or Interim Co-Dean Mary Betsy Brenner

One of my biggest and most ambitious dreams since I came to college has been to play a nice, wholesome game of fuck/marry/kill.

6 Things You Can Say but Your Really Hot TA Definitely Should Not

At UCSB a lot of people have hot TAs. Hot TAs are like private parts: I have one, you have one, we all have one.

An Open Letter to UCSB Freshmen: Yes Living in the Dorms is Awesome But If You Find My Board Shorts I Really Need Them Back

The warm Santa Barbara air is getting crisp, baby-faced freshmen are moving into the dorms, and I have yet to find my board shorts from last quarter.

Best Things to Tell Your Parents So They Don’t Think You Were Drunk the Entire Year

UCSB is consistently ranked one of the nation’s top party schools. As a result, your parental units may have a sneaking suspicion that you were just