Matt Roarty

Matt Roarty

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5 Worst Places to Take Graduation Pics at UDel

Graduation is only a few weeks away, and you know what that means – awkwardly staged photos of everyone in commencement regalia! All of those pictures suck, but much like the pigs in Animal Farm, some are more sucky than others. Here are five locations to avoid:   The Book The big book statue is […]

A Thoughtful Critique of UD Bathroom Stall Graffiti

At The Black Sheep, we are not only cutting-edge, paradigm-shifting journalists and thought leaders — we’re also sensitive, cultured consumers of the world. To that end, we have spent the greater part of a poop analyzing the graffiti in the Perkin’s men’s bathroom, the second stall from the right, in an attempt to understand what […]

Leaked Emails UD Officials Don’t Want You To See

From: Patrick Harker <[email protected]>Date: Tue, Mar 17, 2015 at 5:54 PMSubject: Code BrownTo: Board of Administration <[email protected]>   Just took a huge shit in Trabant. Someone tell the custodians we have a code brown lmao.   From: Police Chief <[email protected]>Date: Thurs, Mar 10, 2015 at 4:00 PMSubject: Not Enough Ruined NightsTo: Police Officers <[email protected]>Sup Bitches, […]

Who Should Replace Harker?

Although it will be hard to imagine anyone stepping into Harker’s diamond-coated panda fur shoes, someone’s gotta do it.

An Open Letter From Patrick T. Harker

From: Patrick T. Harker <[email protected] >Date: Mon, Mar 2, 2015 at 10:06 AMSubject: [UDEL-ALL-2153] A new endeavorTo: All March 2, 2015To the members of the University of Delaware community:With mixed emotions including joy and indescribable relief – actually just those two – I write to tell you I will be stepping down as president of the University of […]

Ugh That One Kid Is Going To Be an Issue All Semester, Class Reports

Students confirm that that one kid is definitely going to be an issue all semester and ugh, would it kill him just to shut up for a bit? We’re only a few days into classes but we can tell that he’s going to annoy the shit out of all of us, sources say.   We […]

The Quiz: How Will You Dramatically Avoid UD Finals?

1. You see a puppy on the street. You… a) Steal it.  b) Think about stealing it, but your cowardice stops you.  c) Would steal it, if you weren’t its owner already. Lucky you!2. Harker comes up to you on the street and says… a) “You are my favorite student. I’m glad we were able […]

Announced End Of Dickinson And Rodney Upsets Victims Of Stockholm Syndrome

Former dorm residents and current victims of Stockholm Syndrome expressed regret that the notoriously shitty resident halls were to be torn down.

All-Nighter Ends at 1 A.M.

Saying it was “really tough” and that she “was sure was going to die,” sophomore Stacy Anthony told reporters that she spent “all night” studying for her chemistry exam before going to sleep at one in the morning.

UD Jazz Concert Attendance Increases 10% After Step-Parents Come Too

Theater managers at Loudis Recital Hall announced yesterday that attendance at the fall semester Jazz Combo concert increased by ten percent after Bradley Jefferson’s mom and step-dad Jessica and Avery Billings were joined by his dad and step-mom Grant and Cady Jefferson.