A Roast of the UIUC Class of 2021 Facebook Page

Class of 2021: Good luck with your first days off in the semi-real world of UIUC. It’s survival of the fittest. Let the games begin.

A Guide to Distracting Yourself From U of I Graduation In Two Weeks

You’ve spent four years, hundreds of thousands of dollars, blood, sweat, and beers on a piece of paper that validates your education. The only problem is you aren’t ready to leave the safe haven of alcohol, friendship, and fun that is Champaign-Urbana. If you or a loved one is suffering from graduation acceptance, you are […]

Lifelong Cubs Fan Attends Illini Baseball Games to “Remind Him of The Old Days”

The Fighting Illini Baseball team has been struggling this season, currently holding a dismal record of 15-19. It's unfortunately a familiar sight.

U of I Senior Finance Major Gets Job Totally Not Because Father Owns Firm

UIUC senior Blake Smith, majoring in finance, revealed to Facebook friends and the world that he got a job at his father’s financial firm in Chicago.

Tragic: Illini Frat Brings Baby Powder Instead of Coke; Formal Ruined

fraternity members of Omega Upsilon Kappa mistakenly brought baby powder instead of cocaine to their fraternity formal last weekend.

15 Stages of Taking Your Mom to Block at Lion, As Told by Brad Underwood’s Facial Expressions

The best way to take advantage of the time you have left with the lucky lady in your life is to take her to Moms Weekend Block at Lion.

HERE Elevator Sex: The Ups and Downs

In order to spice things up with my hot as hell boyfriend I incorporated a trick I learned from the Cosmopolitan Snap story: hot, steamy sex in the dirty, beer-soaked elevator of my beautiful apartment building, HERE. So, we did the dirty and here’s my review of the world of elevator sex and its ups […]

How to F**k Everyone in Your BADM 420 Group Project Without Ruining the Dynamic

Quietly infiltrating a BADM 420 group project is no mean feat, and if you’re found, it could mean a semester filled with awkward glances in the BIF.

Is Uber or CUMTD The Best Way To Get Around Illinois’ Campus?

One’s cheap like your mom, but the other can fit 4 people in it and accepts credit, also like your mom. So, which is the better way to get around campus? Better find out!MDMA: I’m just gonna say it. CUMTD is the best way to get around campus. Sure, you have to leave on someone […]

CUMTD Bus Drivers Have Secret Betting Pool for Fastest Drive During Peak Usage Time

Representatives from CUMTD wouldn’t offer a comment about the secret betting pool, but they did extend its concerns towards Jones and Smith.