Miguel Quinones

Illinois

UIUC Fat Shaming Agenda Revealed By New Skinny Sidewalk On Sixth & Gregory

A shocking report from earlier this week revealed that UIUC is implementing a new campus-wide initiative...

Illinois

October Lovers Lobbying The University To Be More October-y

New research has found that the amount of people who signed up for October Lovers their...

Illinois

Chivalry ISN’T Dead: Dude Pays For Hookup’s VeoRide Back Home

The past few years it has been speculated that chivalry is dead and gone in Chambana....

Illinois

Sellout: Morrow Plots Opened For Barn Dance By University

The university has taken a bold step in solidifying its self-proclaimed status as “Littyville” by designating...

Illinois

With Altgeld Renovations Complete, Bell Tower Will Now Only Play ‘Lo-Fi Chill Hip Hop Beats To Study/Relax To’

You may have noticed that the sounds of “Lo-Fi Chill Hip Hop Beats To Study/Relax To”...

Illinois

We Ranked These 6 UIUC Locations, From Small To Big Dick Energy

Since arriving at UIUC, you’ve probably noticed that penetrating sensation of grandeur and clout. What you’re...

Illinois

8 Ways To Play Off Being Left Behind By The MTD

It’s a dog-eat-dog world out here in C-U. Sometimes you take advantage of the free bus...

Illinois

Washed-Up Frat Star Asked To Leave House Immediately For Falling ‘Chill-To-Pull Ratio’

The current residents of Kappa Chi fraternity have sought legal action to remove washed-up frat star...

Illinois

Suburban Dad Invests In Chastity Belt For Incoming UIUC Freshman

With the new school year approaching, an obsolete method of contraception seen as depraved and sexist...

Illinois

PCP: Does Living in C-U Over Summer Actually Suck That Bad?

Champaign-Urbana is a quaint metropolitan area for undergrads escaping a mediocre home life. The question is,...