Tenacious D

Tenacious D

Student Wakes to Find She’s Missed Entire Semester

Waking up in a foggy panic, junior Aubrey Delgado found herself having slept through her alarm and the entirety of the Spring 2016 semester.

Top 10 Things that Happen After Graduation

Every year the UIUC pumps out some of the most promising, intelligent, and perpetually drunk people in the entire world. When graduation day rolls around, it’s time for the real world: are you prepared? If not, you’re in luck, because The Black Sheep has cranked out this easy-to-follow list of things to expect from graduation.10.) […]

UIUC Student Running Out of New Lows to Hit

This UIUC senior has hit rock bottom.

UIUC Executives to Burn Down the Engineering Quad for Insurance Money

The University of Illinois Board of Trustees, after batting around ideas for several hours, has finally settled on a solution to the university’s budget crisis: burning the Engineering Quad to the ground and collecting the insurance money.The Black Sheep caught Trustee Edward McMillan as he was making his exit and managed to get the rundown […]

Rotting, Vampiric Body of Illini Athletics to Feed on Lovie Smith

After the hype of hiring ex-NFL football coach Lovie Smith as Head Football Coach of the Fighting Illini died down a bit, students and faculty alike have been equally excited about the opportunities Smith will bring to the university. Most notably, the rotting, vampiric, athletic body of UIUC will be feeding on him for the […]

A Closed Letter to UIUC Mom

By this time, you are assuredly planning a trip to my university’s campus this upcoming Moms Weekend...

UIUC Sophomore Comes Home to Find Roommate Waiting for Him Over Spring Break

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Harrison said as his pre-assigned roommate from ISR chewed Hot Cheetos and watched House of Cards on his computer.

Ominous Old Man Sits at Farthest Bar Stool at Brothers

Wading into the lively bar scene at Brothers last Friday night, an ominous old man caused the entire establishment to come to an awkward silence.

Illinois Police Seen Lassoing Drunk Students On Horseback During Unofficial

Chief of Campus Police Jeff Christensen led the posse as they waited patiently on Green Street during Unofficial.

Should You Buy the Next Round?

You're at the bar, you're feeling good, and your paycheck is burning a hole in your pocket... What do you do? The Black Sheep has you covered.