Thomas 'Paign

Thomas 'Paign

Staff Writer

University of Illinois
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U of I Student Identifies Zodiac Killer After Deciphering Bathroom Graffiti in English Building

This past Tuesday, Wilson Regis, a senior creative writing major at UIUC, led the Illinois Sheriff’s Department to the exact location of an elusive criminal. The Zodiac Killer, infamous for conducting several killings in Northern California during the 1960s and 1970s, was found in a trailer home in the Champaign’s neighboring town of Mahomet. Regis […]

Freshman Caught Stealing Two Cookies From IKE Dining Hall Expelled From University

Around 5:35 p.m. last night, university officials responded to a harrowing call placed by student employees at the Ikenberry Dining Center. The employees reported a robbery, claiming an unidentified student left the cafeteria with two cookies from the Baked Expectations station, which is one more than a student is legally allowed to carry out. The […]

Champaign Gets Portillo’s Right As You Leave

Portillo’s has announced that they’ll be opening one of their beloved restaurants in Champaign in late May. While most Illini are ecstatic to have their hometown comfort food just a short drive off campus, some students from the graduating Class of 2017 have expressed great disdain toward the news.Senior Vicente Como described the opening date […]

Booze Review: Mike’s Hard Lemonade

Do you like the taste of a nice glass of lemonade but are afraid of being called a little bitch for drinking one? We’re honestly not sure why you would be, but we guess some guy named Mike thought that was a serious issue so they decided to make Mike’s Hard Lemonade. And quite frankly, […]

Booze Review: Canadian Club Whisky

Finals week is just around the corner, so you know what that means – time to get lost in the bottom of a bottle of whisky. While your test might not go well, you can ensure that your drinking does by avoiding Canadian Club Whisky at all costs. Like everything from Canada, it’s pretty similar […]

Do You Take the Unpaid Internship or Work For a Pyramid Scheme This Summer?

Summer isn’t a fun release from school anymore. You’re either taking summer classes to save your GPA from ultimate death, working at the local pool for minimum wage, or being forced to find a big boy job. This week, two of our writers debate which summer endeavor is more worth the extra work: an unpaid […]

Booze Review: Hennessey Cognac

Look, sometimes you’ve got to ball out and treat yo self when it comes to alcohol. And for $35 and some change, you can be a real baller and get some Hennessey Cognac. But take heed, because when the Henny comes out, shit gets real. Grade: A+ Smells Like: Like you just won the lottery and […]

Should You Connect With Your One Night Stand From KAM’s On LinkedIn?

Last night it was 4-inch stilettos at Lion, this morning it’s flats for an internship with the Urbana City Government. But, she looks pretty good in her blazer on that LinkedIn pic. Try to establish a mutually-beneficial working relationship with her, or no?   Brendan: No, of course it’s a bad idea; LinkedIn is a […]

Booze Review: Kahlúa

College students sure love their coffee and alcohol. While the former is generally consumed in the a.m. and the latter in the p.m., the line between the two has been blurred as students chug dark roast to get through an all-nighter and darty it up on the weekends. With Kahlúa, a coffee-flavored liqueur, you get […]

Should You Paint a Bottom House Frat a Cooler for Formal?

Formal SZN, otherwise known as an annoyingly expensive date event where you get to get drunk in a place other than your frat house, is coming up quicker than you can get your suit dry cleaned. The real question is whether you need to fake some painting skills and make a cooler for a lower-tier […]