Thomas 'Paign

Thomas 'Paign

Staff Writer

University of Illinois
Block At Lion All Bottom House Frat Guy Wants for Christmas

Dean Haverton, President of Beta Omicron Tau Fraternity, has reportedly put Block as the only thing on his Christmas list this year, after drastically paring down a list that consisted of almost exclusively Patagonia and North Face clothing. Haverton explained that even though he was unlikely to get Block at Red Lion, let alone Block […]

Booze Review: Cook’s Brut Champagne

Are you looking to celebrate even though your greatest accomplishment this year has been going to half of your 8 a.m.s?


ICES Form season is upon us, the time of year where you can exact your petty revenge on your asshole professor who refused to give you excused absences.

The Illinois Sexy, Ugly, Naughty, Nice Matrix-

Have you ever wondered what Santa’s naughty and nice lists would look like if they had a sexy component and were specific to UIUC? Well if you have that’s pretty weird quite frankly, but lucky for you, The Black Sheep has delivered once again to satisfy your darkest fantasies. We’re basically doing that jolly bastard […]

Booze Review: Bombay Sapphire London Dry Gin

The great thing about gin is that is has to have a minimum alcoholic content to actually be labeled as gin, so you can be rest assured that you’re not drinking that weak lean, son. The blue bottle gives Bombay Sapphire a classy look, as if drinking gin doesn’t already make you the classiest bloke […]

Booze Review: Evan Williams Original Southern Eggnog

It’s that time of the year when the whole family gets back together and political correctness and sobriety get thrown out the window within 20 minutes.

Freshman Mortified After Noticing ISU Friend Respond “Going” to Unofficial on Facebook

A freshman at U of I, became overcome with dread after seeing his annoying friend confirm that he was coming to Champaign to celebrate Unofficial.

Urbana Hipsters Opt to Take Finals Before They Become Mainstream

In typical fashion, Urbana residents of the trendier half of the Champaign-Urbana twin cities have decided to take their finals before Finals Week.

Booze Review: Jose Cuervo Especial Tequila Silver

We’ve all know that one person who always wants to take tequila shots and becomes an absolute drunken animal afterwards.

Illini Students Dread Upcoming Season After Illini Basketball Player Misses Trashcan in Class

Students witnessed a member of the university’s basketball team miss his shot while attempting to shoot a ball of paper into the classroom garbage can.