Will Stern

Will Stern

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6 Things You Don’t Know About the New Campus Carry Bill

If you have ever wondered: “Why doesn’t the most impulsive, alcoholic, stressed and irresponsible demographic in the world have the right to carry weapons,” you’re in luck! Somebody else agrees and this lovely gentleman’s name is Jesse Kremer. Jesse just wants what’s best for the State of Wisconsin! Voted “Most likely to incite dildo centered […]

Another Year Passes Without Conclusive Evidence of What the F*** that Metal Thing is in Front of Memorial Library

As 2016 comes to a close many are proclaiming it to be one of the worst years in memory. David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Prince, Jose Fernandez, Kimbo Slice, Arnold Palmer, Leonard Cohen, and Julie Gregg are only some of the formative figures we have lost in the last year. Among all of these atrocities, one […]

Witte Resident Boldly Takes Stairs to Second Floor, Succumbs To Elevator Rest of Way

Reports have come in this past week regarding the activities of Ben Coleman last Thursday evening. The UW-Madison freshman and Witte Residence Hall 5th floor resident allegedly elected to take the stairs on that fateful evening half a fortnight ago. Hindsight being 2020, he almost surely would have chosen the elevator if given a chance […]

Last Minute Key Facts About the 2016 Election

Today’s the day people. Armageddon has finally arrived! Before you go out and vote, make sure you’re well informed and enjoy these fun facts about both presidential nominees. Donald Trump Trump originally became famous for inventing the Piano Necktie. Trump’s first executive order as president will be to deport Humpty Dumpty, there will be no sitting […]

University Housing Offers Cryogenic Freeze to Students Looking to Avoid Family Thanksgiving

University of Wisconsin-Madison students currently living in University Housing received an email this week regarding arrangements for Thanksgiving break. The email, which is getting national media attention, can be seen in its full and original form below. University Housing Resident, We hope you had a great Halloween! (Sans any non-University Housing friends) With November starting […]

Bernie Enrolls in UW-Madison, No One Notices

After losing the primaries last spring, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders hasn’t had very much on his plate. He gave Hillary Clinton a good run for her money during the race for the nomination, but he’s now taken a back seat in the presidential elections. Sanders told The Black Sheep, “I’ve had to find some things […]

13 Halloween Costumes Only UW Students Would Wear

Halloween is almost upon us and we know you’re all too lazy to actually plan your costume in advance. As you’re scrounging for an idea on what to wear, you’re in luck! We’ve got 13 perfect ideas for every Badger out there this Halloween: 13.) A Ghost of the Humanities Building: There have been about […]

Bucky Badger Comes Forward With Donald Trump Groping Allegation

Amid rampant reports of sexual assault and misogyny in the Republican Nominee, Donald Trump’s past brings another damning revelation. Bucky the Badger told The Black Sheep this morning that he too, has been groped and catcalled by the business magnate. “It was after the LSU game, the first game of the season. It was one […]

Halloweentown Residents Disturbed and Offended by Madison’s Freakfest Festivities

In recent news, Marnie Piper, from the critically acclaimed Disney Channel trilogy Halloweentown, has been very vocal of her outrage at the culturally insensitive fetishization of her people’s culture. She’s been most vocal about Madison’s very own annual Halloween celebration, Freakfest, which is scheduled to be held a few weeks from now. “In 2006, the city government of […]

Top 10 Fraternity Pledge Tasks to Do During Pledge Week

It’s that time of year again! When all the wanna-be frat pledges receive tasks from their superiors that must be done in order to prove themselves worthy of the name Alpha Hamma Ki (or whatever). The Black Sheep has compiled a list of some of the best and, frankly just plain odd, pledge tasks we’ve seen […]