Will Stern

Will Stern

Staff Writer

Greg Gard Sacrifices Brevin Pritzl in Attempt to End Losing Streak

"We don't want losing to become a trend or anything," said Gard, who then went on to describe, with gory details, the sacrificial process.

6 Pickup Lines That Will Only Work on UW Students

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and you might be wondering how you’re gonna get lucky that night. You wanna come off smooth, but are also looking for that relaxed, proud Wisconsinite feel too. So for all your Badger-V-Day needs, The Black Sheep has you covered. We’ve compiled the four best pick up lines […]

Guide to Telling the Difference Between Scott and Paul Walker

If you’re anything like me as a fellow Wisconsinite (even if as a default by UW), you have a lot of trouble telling Paul Walker and Scott Walker apart.

Both UW Student Unions Down, Disrupts Jesse McCartney Concert

Protests ensue after Memorial Union construction equipment to be stored at Union South, trashing Jesse McCartney's venue for much anticipated concert.

6 Things You Don’t Know About the New Campus Carry Bill

If you have ever wondered: “Why doesn’t the most impulsive, alcoholic, stressed and irresponsible demographic in the world have the right to carry weapons,” you’re in luck! Somebody else agrees and this lovely gentleman’s name is Jesse Kremer. Jesse just wants what’s best for the State of Wisconsin! Voted “Most likely to incite dildo centered […]

Another Year Passes Without Conclusive Evidence of What the F*** that Metal Thing is in Front of Memorial Library

As 2016 comes to a close many are proclaiming it to be one of the worst years in memory. David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Prince, Jose Fernandez, Kimbo Slice, Arnold Palmer, Leonard Cohen, and Julie Gregg are only some of the formative figures we have lost in the last year. Among all of these atrocities, one […]

Witte Resident Boldly Takes Stairs to Second Floor, Succumbs To Elevator Rest of Way

Reports have come in this past week regarding the activities of Ben Coleman last Thursday evening. The UW-Madison freshman and Witte Residence Hall 5th floor resident allegedly elected to take the stairs on that fateful evening half a fortnight ago. Hindsight being 2020, he almost surely would have chosen the elevator if given a chance […]

Last Minute Key Facts About the 2016 Election

Today’s the day people. Armageddon has finally arrived! Before you go out and vote, make sure you’re well informed and enjoy these fun facts about both presidential nominees. Donald Trump Trump originally became famous for inventing the Piano Necktie. Trump’s first executive order as president will be to deport Humpty Dumpty, there will be no sitting […]

University Housing Offers Cryogenic Freeze to Students Looking to Avoid Family Thanksgiving

University of Wisconsin-Madison students currently living in University Housing received an email this week regarding arrangements for Thanksgiving break. The email, which is getting national media attention, can be seen in its full and original form below. University Housing Resident, We hope you had a great Halloween! (Sans any non-University Housing friends) With November starting […]

Bernie Enrolls in UW-Madison, No One Notices

After losing the primaries last spring, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders hasn’t had very much on his plate. He gave Hillary Clinton a good run for her money during the race for the nomination, but he’s now taken a back seat in the presidential elections. Sanders told The Black Sheep, “I’ve had to find some things […]