What to Do When BU Fire Inspections Suddenly Come Knocking

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Everyone on campus has gotten those dreadful emails from their RAs about fire inspections. Those unexpected intrusive visits that can cause a large fine if you don’t get a chance to hide your alcohol and that illegal appliance. You could go three-fourths the semester thinking that your place has already been inspected when suddenly…”*knock knock* fire inspection!” And they expect you to not be surprised. If you’re worried that you’re going to find yourself in this situation at the last moment, here’s a few things you can do:

5.) Use someone else to stall for time:

If anyone else is home, you could always ask them to let fire inspections check their room first…unless their room is also a problem. Then you could always just throw them under the bus and have their room checked first anyways. You certainly don’t want to get charged even more money, right?

4.) Hide your extension cords:

Take all the illegal stuff you have even though you’re not supposed to, like extension cords for your holiday light decorations, and stuff them somewhere out of sight. They’ll never know. Tip: they’re not allowed to check drawers and closed closets, so that’s where all your alcohol and weed should go too…assuming you have any, but let’s be honest…

3.) Fake being woken up by the inspectors:

If you don’t have anyone else home and are not willing to out someone else’s violations first, you can always scramble to chuck everything hideable away and then thrust yourself in bed so that when the inspectors inevitably force their way in, you’ll have an excuse for not greeting the invaders.

2.) Rip off all your ceiling lights:

We’re not allowed to hang anything on the ceilings, so your cute banners and lanterns gotta go. If you hear their footsteps ominously headed towards your room, jump on top of your bed and rip those things off asap and everything will come falling down too! Just don’t fall and break your leg, or do, because that’d probably be a pretty good distraction.

1.) Pretend your toaster is trash:

Since basically everything’s forbidden because BU thinks we’re all pyromaniacs, bringing your own toaster is also banned. There’s obviously not enough time to put it in someone’s car, so putting it in a plastic bag and pretending it’s garbage is the next best thing, right?

Fire inspections are a total pain, but at least now you’ll have a last minute plan. Alternatively, BU could just stop labeling everything as a fire hazard, but we all know that’ll never happen.