The Blacksheep Online | Mr. Coffee is My Other Boyfriend

Mr. Coffee is My Other Boyfriend

March 12, 2010 - 5:10 pm | Posted by: Amy

coffeecup Ahh, coffee. This is what I think with my first sip of java in the morning. A beverage derived from beans and diluted with half-n-half and a few packets of Splenda should probably be disgusting, but I find it refreshing and, dare I say it, tasty. I enjoy and, well, need some caffeine every day, but in a semester featuring far too many eight-thirty A.M. classes, I just couldn't survive without it.

Some mornings I role out of bed with enough time to make my own cup of Joe, a good thing seeing as its cheaper, more environmentally friendly (no paper cups), and way more immediate and convenient than anything outside of my apartment. Microwaving a mug of water and then pouring it over some freeze-dried crystals in a thermos I stole from my mom is anything but gourmet, but it does the job. Cheap? Check. Tacky? Who cares? Tasty? Good enough. A packet or six of sugar, a dash of milk, if it hasn't expired yet (oh, college, how I love the), and I'm out the door and on my way to class.

I truly believe that half of coffee's waking effects are not from caffeine but from the adrenaline rush caused when you spill hot water all over your sleepy self. I sip as I walk, and when I stumble over a crack in the sidewalk, small droplets hit my face, giving me the appearance of freckles and the temperament of the bitch from the latte place I stop at when I don't have it in me to make my own coffee.

Any college town features an abundance of coffee houses, and mine is no exception. Caramel, vanilla, mocha, you name it they've got it hot or iced or if you ask for it even luke-warm (though you'll probably get a weird look from the barista). Whether I want fair-trade of fresh from corporate, I can get it, for a price. College is a time when no matter how little you spend, you're still spending a ton (tuition, books, rent, etc.), and I sometimes wonder if I'm bankrupting my parents or putting my future self even further into dept with every sip. I would ponder this, but I'm too sleepy to bother.

I run on caffeine, without it I can't think, and what is the point of a college education other than to help you do just that? Namely to stay up so late doing crazy shit that the next morning you are still so exhausted that your brain simply won't work sans caffeine. The circle of college or coffee or whatever you choose to call it continues in a circle until graduation and day in and day out it leaves you craving caffeine and your wallet empty thanks to a case each of Monster and Jolt and a few lattes each week.

Many writers claim they can't start typing without a cigarette in hand or perhaps a cup of tea nearby. I feel that a term paper requires a double shot of espresso (and another kind of shot upon completion), so what's the difference? It gets the job done. The more coffee I drink in the A.M., the more attentive I am, and thus the better my grades. Coffee is still delicious in the afternoon, but enjoy it too late in the day and you'll be up late. Sure you'll get plenty of work done, you'll even get ahead on reading, but the next morning when it's time for that eight-thirty class, you're going to regret that last date with Mr. Coffee.