Alcohol Review: Andre Champagne

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Grade: B

Introduction:

Sure, you usually only touch champagne at weddings and on New Years, but pounding a couple of bottles during your pregame or playing a round of "Edward Andre Hands" is sure to get you nice and prepared for a destructive evening. Seriously, prepare for a complete lack of inhibition.

History:

Back in the mid 70s, Frenchman Andre Sanciame came to the US with the dream of losing his virginity. After nearly a year of rejection, he shaved his filthy mustache, showered, cut his hair and learned that the best way to score pussy is to get girls wasted; he also learned that girls will rarely turn down champagne. He took his grandfather's recipe for Peach Passion-flavored champagne and began offering free bottles to attractive women. Soon he had broken the previous Frenchmen record for number of lays with 8,000 and no American girl could resist a bottle of Andre Champagne.

Typical Drinker:

Freshman girls, foreigners, rappers waiting to hit it big, those who like to make any night an occasion, people who frequent Cly's, Lindsey Fila, cheap drunks, single obese women who eat too many truffles like Lindsey Fila and people who have just won a major sporting event.

User Comments:

"OMG! I like totally can't find my pants? Where'd they gooooooo?!" ::giggles::

"Man, I'm 'bout to get signed; I can feel it homie. Pass that Andre."

"This tastes like bad decisions!"

Overall Opinion:

For under $6 a bottle, we recommend using Andre as your next pregame beverage. Kill two bottles in an hour and you'll definitely be tipsy. Anything you drink after that will mix nicely with it in your bloodstream and make you a completely different person. Seriously, though, the ladies will have a hard time turning anything down after a few bottles of Pink Champagne or Peach Passion.

 

 

 

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