Alcohol Review: Skol Gin

---

Grade: D+

Introduction:

This week we were faced with a tough decision: do we spend all our money on some good-tasting alcohol or do we buy something shitty and cheap and use our extra money to buy prostitutes? It turned out that the prostitute company was having a two-for-one deal so we went with the cheap stuff. And is there anything that epitomizes cheap alcohol more than Skol? Poor people and high school juniors agree that Skol vodka is the way to go for a night of drunkenness even though they're well aware that they may be drinking paint thinner. Needless to say, we didn't expect Skol gin to be any better.

History:

Tired of being known just for shitty vodka, the Skol Corporation decided to put a shitty gin on the market. But first they had to find out what exactly was in gin. Little Kieslev, the factory's ingredientologist, concluded that potatoes definitely weren't in it. Unfortunately all Little K' had was potatoes. It was at this time he consulted the advice his great great grandmamma had passed down to him: "When Stalin gives you potatoes, my dear Kieslev, you obey him in everyway possible and make potato juice!" Kieslev worked nearly four years trying to turn his potatoes into gin for Skol and one day he did it! Sadly, he died several minutes later after being crushed by twelve sacks of potatoes.

Typical Drinkers:

People with no taste, alcoholics, Hagar the Horrible, poor people who refer to themselves as "thrifty", blind people who were most likely blinded by Skol Vodka.

Comments:

"Ugh, now when people ask why I'm a huge racist who commits hate crimes against, I can tell them it's because I tasted this gin!"

"Franciscus Sylvius, the inventor of gin, must be rolling over in his grave right now!"

"I'm so upset by this taste right now, I can't even enjoy our prostitutes!"

Conclusion:

Whether or not you enjoy Skol gin is entirely dependent on whether or not you like gin in general. Although I like it, I think all gin tastes the same whether it's brewed by Tanqueray or by some frat guy in a bathtub. But with that said, it's pretty obvious why Skol gin is so cheap. Of course it's much better than Skol vodka, but maybe that's just because the tonic water takes the edge off more. Also a glass of nail polish remover is better than Skol vodka

 

---

---

Write a comment

Name:
Email:
Subject:
Comment: *

Help prevent spam - enter security code above: