The Blacksheep Online | Cat Burglary: A Spring Break Cash Cow

Cat Burglary: A Spring Break Cash Cow

March 1, 2010 - 5:00 pm | Posted by: Bailey

Cats Spring break is creeping around the corner, and you may be asking yourself "How can I make some extra cash for vacation?" Sure, right now the plane ticket and hotel are covered, but you don't have sufficient funds for sufficient partying. Luckily, The Black Sheep has your back on this one.

Of course there are some traditional options out there like getting a job or asking your parents. Hell, if you're feeling particularly daring you can always sell your sperm or your eggs for a quick influx of cash money, but when you need money quick and your parents hate you desperate times call for desperate measures.

In order to make the most money in the shortest amount of time, you have to take advantage of the resources around you.

Being a resident of East Lansing, you see all types of wildlife around campus. Squirrels run amok with no regard for man. Birds fly to poop on our shoulder. Once a guy thought he saw a scary bear. Still, once you begin looking outside the school and city buildings down streets lined with apartments and houses you will find domestic animals flourishing. It's not unusual to see someone walking their dog or to spot a cat meandering through the streets, yet this everyday occurrence is actually a money-making opportunity.

Generally speaking, if you find a cat that has wandered away from home, it only seems right to swipe it and take it into your own house. Once you've reached this point, you'll have to make a judgment call.

If the kitty in question doesn't have a collar or any other indication that it's a household pet, it's best to get rid of it immediately. If diseases among stray cats are as common as STDs among college students, that pussycat will be trouble. And this is an article about making money, try getting a buck for that junkyard cat.

If said cat does have some identification, let it hang around and have a beer while you decide what to do with it. While you could call the owner and return the cat, that solution wouldn't benefit you or your spring break fund. On the other hand, you could keep the cat and hold it hostage for money or wait until 'Lost Cat' posters begin appearing around the neighborhood.

Either way, you can demand ransom or reward money in exchange. Cats strolling through the streets of East Lansing without supervision are dangerous. It's unsafe for the cats and unsafe for the community. You'll be cleaning up the streets and cleaning out wallets. It's what any true Spartan would do.

Once you've swiped a few cats and gained some experience, you can move on to more rewarding things. When you feel confident enough, try snagging a dog. After you've captured it and taken it into your home, remove its collar and put another one on it.

You can start taking it for walks in front of the owner's house and eventually they will see you with their dog and confront you. Stick to a premeditated story and claim that you've had the dog for years, but you'd be willing to sell it to the right person.

Bada-bing, bada-boom, easy money. Making a few extra bucks is simple if you put your mind to it. You might as well put those brain cells to work now because they won't be doing much when you're passed out by the pool.