Dear University Housing

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Dear University Housing,

In just a few short days, we as freshmen will have our first real taste of how good it feels to party; unofficially. From what we've heard, Unofficial is essentially Champaign's version of Mardi Gras. We will drink beer all day and all night, decked from head to toe in green, and walk around campus until someone invites us in off the streets to have a beer in honor of the non-existent holiday. But there's one thing we just don't understand. What's with all the damn e-mails?

If you don't mind my saying, you're being quite the boner-killer. When you flood our inboxes with messages that both warn and threaten us about the upcoming weekend, how are we supposed to feel comfortable coming back to our rooms totally annihilated? Claiming that university police are going to be on the Six-Pack premises keeping an eye on all of us underage rascals is simply an outrage. You haven't cared what we've done up until March 5^th, so why start now? We can come back at 5 a.m., pack bowls behind Forbes and pee in the stairwells of Scott any other day of the school year, except this one? Talk about inconsistent. 

Keeping a lookout for us is one thing, but not allowing all our underage friends to stay in our rooms is practically a sin. It's bad enough they didn't get into this school; we're not about to rub it in their faces by uninviting them to crash in our room for a couple of harmless nights. If you really want us to start manufacturing counterfeit I-Cards, we can and we will. They don't even have holograms for crying out loud! But for the sake of saving both of us time, how about accepting the fact that our friends from home are not going to let you stop them from getting their sham rocked. We as students and loyal comrades have an obligation to provide them with a floor to pass out on and a garbage can to puke in.

Also, I'd like to hear how you plan on explaining this lack of freedom and trust to our parents. They don't pay thousands of dollars for their beloved children to feel intimidated to come back to their own dorm rooms. Without them here to protect us how are we supposed to know you aren't searching our rooms and/or giving us sobriety tests without reasonable cause? This could be a sticky situation if lawyers were to get involved, and public housing can't afford the bad press after the repeated fire drills last semester. More and more students prefer Bromley over the Six-Pack each year. How would bad publicity affect the undeniable statistics? About as well as the gyros from the dining hall affects one's digestive system. 

Serving as the voice for all freshmen that feel victimized by these hostile emails, I beg you for mercy. Thus far in our collegiate journey we have done nothing but succeed in our classes and participate willingly in the bonding activities that our RA's force upon us; like a library bar crawl. All we're asking is for you to loosen the leash and trust that we can make the right choices, intoxicated or not. While you advocate being "officially over it," we are officially ready to take part in the most unofficial party of the year. Until then, cool it with the cyber bullying and go look for your holiday spirit. St. Patrick told me you dropped it in your bowl of Lucky Charms from late night.

Luck of the Irish,

Abaigeal O'Malley        

 

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