The Blacksheep Online | Drinking Hall of Fame: Led Zeppelin

Drinking Hall of Fame: Led Zeppelin

March 11, 2010 - 10:49 am | Posted by: Ben

Bonham It's a fact: right now Led Zeppelin is playing in a bar. They're where the songs belong. Whether it's the rumbling torrent storm of "Achilles' Last Stand" or the folksy heartbreaking song "Hey Hey What Can I Do," or for that matter "Heartbreaker," like fries with a bacon double cheeseburger, these ballads need a good drink for the proper experience. Why? Because the band members were drunk - among other things - while writing the song, while recording the songs, and while playing the songs to stadiums full of bikers, stoners, and teenagers who had snuck out on a school night to hear the band for the other side of the Atlantic play.

Like the songs, the story of the band is steeped with alcoholic lore.

Here's the gist of any Zeppelin biography: The Yardbirds, with Jimmy Page as guitarist, disbanded. Page asked a friend for a lead singer suggestion. Robert Plant answered the call. They drank and celebrated and all was merry. John Paul Jones and John Bonham came and drank and there was more celebrating. Skip a few legendary albums into the future and there will be about two chapters devoted to their backstage antics. And guess what? There was more drinking. A lot more. There's a wealth of antics like Robert Plant getting naked, jumping into a wheelchair, covering himself with whip cream, and then being rolled into a group of groupies where, I assume, odd-tasting sex ensued. You get the idea. They liked destroying hotel rooms more than congressmen like destroying health care legislation and they liked weird sex more than, well, congressmen destroying health care legislation. Only Zeppelin preferred girls.

The most famous incident, though didn't take place in a tour bus or backstage at a concert - it took place at a quiet Washington fishing inn. Every part of the Mudshark Incident, as it is commonly called, is controversial.

The basic story is as follows: An intense party turned into a weird, exhibitionist orgy and someone suggested that the girl at the center of the attention need more...something, and that something turned out to be a creature from the sea. There are disputes on what actually happened -whether it was a shark or a red snapper (the girl was a redhead and I guess the carpet matched the drapes... creative at least) and whether the doer was a band member or not. But regardless, someone started to please the girl with the shark/red snapper. I won't go into details because hopefully you can figure it out. If not just look back to you 7^th Grade Health notes labeled "Sex." Remove male sexual organ. Insert shark (pun intended). The weirdest part? The girl loved it. Take notes guys. Forget the candles and Barry White, it's time to listen to "Ten Years Gone" and take a trip to PetCo.

Behind all drinking troupes there's a leader, say a Bradley Cooper in The Hangover. Zep's Bradley Cooper was John Bonham. The only thing he liked better than drumming his way to the top of the world was drinking his way to the next drink. Individual reports of his drinking are endless. The truth? He was kind of a jackass when drunk. For instance, one night Plant was being kept up by a roadie in the next room so Bonham decided the best way to muffle the sound would be to shit in the guy's shoes. And he did.

Bonham, in fact, drank his way to the grave. His last hours are stuff of legends: His manger picked him up, and they had breakfast. The manager had ham and eggs. Bonham had 4 quadruple vodkas. Yes, you read that right. And yes, good job remembering your high school math, 4 x 4 still equals 16. Years of collegiate brain damage haven't left you completely fried. He continued to drink through the day's studio session. Heavily, of course. 30 additional drinks of vodka, give or take. They retired to Page's house where Bonzo went to bed and never woke up.

A sad ending? Perhaps, but a sterling legacy and catalogue of songs remains. Songs that bring people together in bars, parties, baseball games, apartments living rooms, and beds. Songs that can ramble on about everything from the Lord of the Rings to marijuana-inspired lyricism. Songs that have spanned generations and will continue to do so. Songs that, quite simply, rock. Now that's a beautiful thing.

Led Zeppelin, the next one's raised to you.