Keep it Awkward: Freaky Phone Calls

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I'm sure that we have all been in a situation where we're are in a somewhat quiet place when some inconsiderate douche walks in, talking way too loud. And to our surprise, whether the person is talking on the phone or to a friend, they just continue on with their conversation, which is entirely inappropriate, saying something like, "...and there was no toilet paper so I had to use my socks, but they wouldn't flush so I had to leave them in the COB bathroom." Now, every person in the room is disgusted, and this guy just keeps on talking as though this sort of thing happens to everybody.

The absolute worst place for these situations is when you are stuck in an elevator. You get on in the lobby, and then as the door is closing somebody yells, "Wait!" They stick their arm out to keep the door from closing and then step in while pressing their phone to their ear. That's when you hear it: "...and the best part is, she farted while he was going down on her." Next time you witness a situation like this, look around and try to catch everybody's responses. There's usually a group of frat guys trying not to bust out laughing, one girl who has her hand over her mouth trying not to vomit, and then a creepy guy who actually looks like he is turned on by hearing this. Hopefully that person's not you.

These sorts of events have really gotten me thinking, and I have come to the realization that these situations are absolutely hilarious and totally awesome. You know that the second everybody gets off of that elevator they are going straight to a friend to tell them what they just heard. And each person who has just heard this awkward comment can't help but wish that they were friends with whoever this event happened to, basically so that they can talk endless amounts of shit. Yes, there was that one girl on the elevator who was disgusted and nearly vommed, but she should lighten up, because this is college, and let's face it, some weird shit is going to happen.

It is my suggestion that people continue feeling so comfortable in a room full of strangers and to never even consider censoring their conversations when in public, especially if it involves a funny or awkward story. I mean, who wouldn't want to hear about your friend who has been poking holes in his roommate's condoms or the neighbor who you caught jerking off?

I will even go so far as to say that if you have a weird or funny story but wait to tell it until you are in a crowded public place, it's all the better because way more people will enjoy it. I wouldn't even be upset if the story you are sharing is completely made up or even about me, just as long as you are completely serious when telling it. We are strangers and I'm not about to call you out for lying, especially if you are keeping me entertained. Because in this town, nothing beats awkward comments from obscene strangers.

 

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