The Blacksheep Online | Point-Counterpoint: Classroom PDA

Point-Counterpoint: Classroom PDA

March 12, 2010 - 10:45 am | Posted by: Anastasia

PCPPDA Laura: The nastiest couple was sitting in front of me today in class. They were cuddling and making out at every chance possible. Sometimes they just sat there and stared at each other. Real sick shit, but wait...it gets worse. When my professor turned the movie on, I saw her head slowly sink to pick up the pencil she dropped, but her head never came back up... The sound of the movie's Aborigine tribal chants was outdone by his slight, yet recognizable, moaning. Can you believe that?

Jill: That grossed you out? Class is the best time for getting in a quick orgasm or two! I just got done giving my boy a handy in Natural Disasters.

Laura: Ew, gross! Out of all classes, Natural Disasters? Does your boy have a tsunami fetish or something? It's generally inappropriate in public places... But class, really?

Jill: Well, ever since picking up a part-time job and taking 19 credit hours, the only time I have to get some is during class. Drunk sex is fun too, but sometimes I prefer to remember my escapades!

Laura: Oh come on. Plenty of girls find time OUTSIDE of class to get some. I mean, helloooo! Have you seen the Joe's dance floor? Class just isn't the place. Girls like you make us all look like horny animals that will jump at any penis that happens to come along. I believe there is a certain word for girls like that...

Jill: Just because you haven't seen a penis since hooking-up with your high school boyfriend over break doesn't mean you need to hate on my active sex life. I haven't skipped class all semester because knowing I'll get some motivates me in ways I've never felt before. Plus there is something about getting off in the middle of a bunch of oblivious people.

Laura: Well I can speak for the majority in saying that we'd all rather you sacrifice your attendance for our educational and psychological wellbeing. It's hard to focus when the guy in front of me is panting and breaking pencils while my professor is discusses world hunger.

Jill: You mean you LIKE hearing about world hunger? I'm no porn connoisseur, but I prefer watching sex over videos of kids with flies on their faces. Besides, you're talking about the couples that don't know how to disguise their fifty minutes of classroom ecstasy.

Laura: Sick, this could be happening without me even knowing? I guess that explains the dried up white shit I found on my coat last week, you bitch. How exactly do you get away with that?

Jill: Those folding desks are good for more than just note taking. Wear a skirt. Have your guy sit to the right of you and his fingers will accomplish more than if occupied by his BlackBerry brick-breaker.

Laura: Good thing I'm an iPhone girl. But wait, you don't have a boyfriend. Do you just drag some sad sap to every class with you?

Jill: I'll admit, it's quite the balancing act, especially in my 15-person Chem lab. But I've managed to find a hottie in each one of my classes that shares my love for sex in public. Judge me all you want, but having sex to look forward to in each class has strengthened my appreciation for everything from Viking Sagas to Vegetable Gardening.

Laura: Oh those poor guys. Who knows what you are passing around. Promise you'll show me the chairs you and your men have contaminated so I can avoid unwanted, dried-up fluids at all costs? I mean you already ruined my jacket so I think you owe it to me.

Jill: I guess we can start with the classrooms. But then I should probably show you all the barstools and cement benches on the quad, and probably all the cubicles turned cum-dumpsters in Grainger.