The Blacksheep Online | Sidney Crosby: The Most Hated Man in America?

Sidney Crosby: The Most Hated Man in America?

March 10, 2010 - 2:30 pm | Posted by: Caitlin

Crosby

Sidney Crosby might as well move to Canada for good, we sure as hell don't want him here. Sid the Kid has thwarted us again and raised his maple leaf flag in a big "Fuck You" to America. Detroit Red Wings fans already look at Crosby as the devil reincarnate. Red Wings fans will remember Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals in Detroit where it was the Sidney Crosby show. If I had a dollar for every time the announcers talked about how Crosby was the youngest captain ever in the NHL, I'd be a millionaire.

And let's be honest, we were all a little happy when Johan Franzen smashed Crosby into the boards, hurting his left knee. But all that happiness dissipated as we watched Crosby and his pubic hair playoff beard raise the Stanley Cup on Detroit's home ice and kiss it. The only consolation fans had was the fact that Stanley Cup or not, Henrik Zetterberg's manly beard made Crosby look like a child waiting for his balls to drop, which is, essentially, what he was.

After the loss, all of Detroit vowed to never let Crosby screw us again. Flash forward to the Olympics. Of course, Crosby is Canadian, and of course he is assistant captain. But after the Americans beat the Canadians 5-3, Detroit fans started to breathe a little easier and chant louder and louder "USA, USA!" Brian Rafalski was all over the ice, and Michigan State University's own Ryan Miller could do no wrong. Finally we were gonna get a chance to stick it to Sidney Crosby once and for all.

The gold medal game loomed and a nation prepared for the gold medal matchup. After Canada took an early 2-0 lead Americans began to hang their head, but after scoring one goal, Zach Parise scored the tying goal with less than 30 seconds left and we headed into overtime. Then... tragedy struck. Leave it to Sid the FUCKING KID to destroy America's hopes and dreams. He scores the winning goal, off a bullshit pass. Miller never had a chance. Really Sidney Crosby? Watching that gold medal hang from his neck broke the hearts of Americans everywhere.

Now, the game is over and what consolation does America have? Well there are a few things that we can console ourselves with. First of all, gold medal or not, Sidney Crosby is still Canadian. Really is there any nation where you would honestly wish you were not from other than Canada? Well, maybe Iraq... But seriously, Canadians wake up each day looking longingly through the June snowfall at the border, wishing they were Americans.

Second, after this loss, National Hate Sidney Crosby Day has been made an official event on Facebook. Groups have sprung up all over and hatred for the boy is at an all time high.

The best thing that came out of the loss to Canada, took place a few days after, in Pittsburgh. Sidney Crosby was booed by his home crowd, and Ryan Miller was cheered. Small prize, but that's about as good as it's gonna get.

In these trying times America must remember that no matter what, we are American, not Canadian, and most of our men can grow respectable playoff beards. America is still the greatest place in the world and Sidney Crosby is still a whiny little bitch. No matter how many gold medals or Stanley Cups he receives he will always be a whiny little bitch. Fuck Crosby.