The Blacksheep Online | The Origins of St. Patrick's Day

The Origins of St. Patrick's Day

March 15, 2010 - 10:45 am | Posted by: Irene

StPOrigin Some people believe that St. Patrick's Day is a day in honor of the patron saint of Ireland, St. Patrick. But here at The Black Sheep, we have another theory for how this magical day came about.

It started years ago with a boy named Patrick. Some say Patrick was a junior at Illinois State University, while others say he attended University of Illinois. Still, some others disagree and argue that he went to Michigan State University. Last we heard there was even speculation that he went to University of Florida. Where Patrick went to school and the exact year have lost in the retelling of this story through the generations, but regardless, St. Patrick's Day began with a college-aged boy named Patrick.

Patrick loved college. He loved how he never really had to attend class, just had show up for the tests. He loved how it was okay to eat the pizza he found lying on his apartment floor. He loved how scantily-clad the girls dressed and how most of the girls just wanted the same things he did. And most of all, he loved how acceptable it was to get ridiculously drunk.

It was Spring Break week, and poor Patrick was stuck at school during the break because he had no money and no car to go anywhere. As much as Patrick loved college, he did not want to be stuck on campus while all his peers were in a tropical place, sculpting sand beer pong tables and having sex with strangers. Patrick sat at his desk for hours, tracing body parts to pass the time, and licking all the parmesan garlic dust off his snack crackers because that was the best part. But, as soon as Patrick realized that the word "suns" could be read the same upside down, an idea came to him.

"Of course!" Patrick shouted. "I will just bring everything good about spring break that I missed to me!" And it was at that moment that Patrick began to draft his plan for a day dedicated to all those who missed out on spring break. The day would obviously be devoted to drinking as he was now five days behind and had to catch up to his friends who had been drinking all week. He too wanted girls with low self esteem to show him their titties, something else he missed out on by not going on bring break. But, even though Patrick associated spring break and tropical places with drinks and titties, he couldn't help but think of all sorts of unpleasant STDs as well-his friends always came back with a couple more notches on their belts, and with some disgusting growths and diseases under their belts.

"Phew, can't have any of that garbage associated with my day," thought Patrick, and therefore, his day would not be based around a tropical island but around somewhere else: Ireland! Patrick listed all the awesome things about Ireland: Pubs, Guinness, lucky charms, leprechauns, Jameson, potatoes, luck, the fact that they never became a rival world power or fought against the U.S. in two brutal wars, and red-headed people! (He scratched the last one out upon further consideration.)

"Everyone loves Ireland! I will make my day an Irish day!" Now he just needed a name. After some pondering, not being the most creative guy, he came up with the name "Sexy Thang Patrick's Day." He thought that the chosen name best described him and the day and believed a little shameless self-promotion never hurt anyone. He then printed out hundreds, no thousands, of flyers on green paper advertising his day. "SKIP ALL YOUR CLASSES, CELEBRATE IRELAND, AND GET SHITTY! MARCH 17^th A CAMPUS-WIDE EVENT!" He posted them all over campus; on trees, light poles, bathroom stalls, etc. It would have been hard to miss one of Patrick's signs. He then designed and ordered hundreds of green beads and T-shirts to distribute reading, "I'm Not Exactly Irish, but I Love to Party!" and "Show Me Your Shamrocks!" More recently, Patrick's sketches of his T-shirt ideas were discovered revealing that he had designed a shirt with a green chicken on it that read, "I'm So Irish Even My Cock Is Green." Scholars theorize that Patrick never printed this design because the idea was too ahead of his time.

"Bring on them titties!" Patrick exclaimed when the "Show Me Your Shamrocks" shirts arrived.

The local bars saw Sexy Thang Patrick's Day flyers, (how could they not have seen them, they were everywhere) and decided that it might be a great business decision to play along; any day that promotes drinking benefits the bars. And upon seeing that the flyers were green and for some reason Sexy Thang Patrick's Day was celebrating Ireland, the bars decided to have green beer available on March 17^th.

As the students came back from spring break, they saw the flyers and liked the idea of Sexy Thang Patrick's Day; any excuse to skip class and drink from dawn until the wee hours of the morning, or until you pass out, would be received positively. The success of this first Sexy Thang Patrick's Day was monumental and word quickly spread across the U.S. about the celebration. Patrick became a hero. No, he became a legend, and his story has been told throughout the decades. However, through some miscommunication or laziness of those who recorded Patrick's story, "Sexy Thang" was shortened into "ST." Through this abbreviation, the true meaning of ST was lost and because "Street Patrick's Day" didn't make much sense, people believed that the "ST" had to mean "Saint Patrick's Day."

And there you have it, the Black Sheep's theory on the origins of St. Patrick's Day. But, regardless of what history you choose to believe in, March 17^th is a day to don yourself with green beads, watch The Boondock Saints, listen to Flogging Molly on repeat, wear your shirt that says "ST. PATRICK IS MY HOMEBOY," show your shamrocks, and get lucky! Oh, and of course skip all your classes and get shitty off green beer. Slainte!