The Official Drunk Review of All Things NAU
NAU has always been a great place for some old fashion quality drinking and drunks have been ingrained in the culture of this Podunk town for well over a century. So, in the great spirits of crippling alcohol addiction and the destruction of our livers, The Black Sheep sloppily presents to you our drunk review of NAU.
The Health and Learning Center:
Number of Hot Girls Willing to Sleep with You: 0
Number of Classes You’ve Had Here: One and it was English, for some reason
Chances of a Machine Being Open in the Gym at 5 PM: No
Overall Grade: D-
Amount of Time Spent Here: 7 seconds (and then 40 hours during finals)
Number of Times You Realized You Chose the Wrong Major: 4,745
Number of Computers Slower than Fat Legless Babies: 70
Overall Grade: 4/9
NAU Bb Learn:
Number of Times Shut Down: Yes
How Often Teachers Update Grades: No
Amount of times going to Bb Learn when you meant to go to LOUIE: Always + 7
Overalls are Great: 76%
Number of Times Beaten by ASU: Yes, harder Daddy, harder.
Number of Times the Stadium was Sold Out: HA!
Amount of Fucks Given About the Cheerleaders: -7,234,123,764,654,890.6
Over All Gays: Meh/6
Chances of Ruining Your Dorm Drinking: 77/1
Times Seen While Walking Around Very Very High: Don’t look, DON’T LOOK.
Amount of “Safety” Enforced: I don’t think safe.
Oder Y’all Say: J/ 23.0
Chances She’s a Lizard Person in Disguise: Not a despise or a disguise.
Amount of Puppies Drowned in Her Bathtub: 756 (all Labradogs)
Number of Buildings Still Yet to be Built: More the infiniti
Hodor Will Stay: 7 sheep and Demi Lovato
NAU in General:
Chances You’ll Graduate in 4 Years: like 20% if you count all the hats
Number of STD’s You’ll Catch: Crabs don’t bite, they pinch
Chances of Being Stabbed at Some Point: OW!! WTF?!
Underdone Steak: Jet fuel can’t melt steel beams/911
Why does it snow in Arizona? WHY?: