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Getting into OSU Bars with a Shitty Fake: A Guide

It’s Friday night and all of your legal friends want to hit the bars. Only problem is, your fake’s got about a 65% success rate… on a good day. No need to sweat though, The Black Sheep‘s got you covered. Just check out our foolproof guide for sneaking into any bar despite your shitty fake!

 

Midway: You hand the bouncer your ID, but despite arguing that your shoes “have a really thick sole” he doesn’t buy the 6 inch height difference. No worries, we all know Midway is the go-to for the OSU football team. And even the most intimidating of bouncers can’t help but get a little star struck when in the presence of some National Champs. So scream “IS THAT CARDALE?!” then wait for the chaos that will inevitably follow as everyone in earshot loses their shit. This is when you make your move.

 

The O Patio: Ok, so telling the bouncer that the reason you look nothing like the dude in your fake is because your face got “really fucked up in your last MMA fight” didn’t exactly pan out. Sure, you get points for creativity, but this is the O FRAT-io and you’re a dude. The only way you’re getting in here is if you just happen to have a Patagonia vest and a pair of duck boots lying around at home. Wait… you do! Looks like last year’s hastily thrown together “Frat Dude” Halloween “costume” is about to save the day. Do a quick outfit change and stumble back up to the door chanting whatever Greek letters come to mind. You’ll be enjoying a Long Island by the fire in no time.

 

Ethyl and Tank: The dude at the door seemed chill, but he just laughed in your face when you tried to use the old “I just got a spray tan” excuse.  Have no fear.  Like the O, Ethyl occasionally requires dressing for the part. So run home, grab a slightly wrinkled flannel, and throw on a beanie. This should be enough to get you in, but if you want to be sure, compliment the bouncer on his mastery of the “lumber-sexual” look.

 

Plaza: Your ID says you’re 24, but despite your best contouring efforts, your baby face gives you away every time. All hope seems lost, but don’t give up just yet. Still think those three years of high school Spanish were a waste of time? Well, think again amigo! If you can hold a basic conversation in Español, you’ll be through the door and enjoying a marg in no time.

 

Big Bar: If you are willingly going to Big Bar in the first place, we’ll assume you’re a little desperate. But are you desperate enough to use your real ID and pay the cover charge needed to spend the next hour getting grinded on by sweaty old guys? If the answer is no, follow these instructions. Get a job at the Little Donut Shop. Hide out there after closing time. When the clock strikes 11, take the secret staircase upstairs that leads to Big Bar (c’mon we all know there’s gotta be one). Before you know it you’ll be getting Boston cream-ed on the dance floor.

 

Formaggio’s: If you aren’t getting in here on the first try, then you should probs just give up.

 

Now get out there and party ‘til your little underage liver begs you to stop.

 

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