You’ve decided to finally go to one of GVSU’s parties (mostly because it took you so long to find one), but you don’t really know what to expect or if it’s safe to not bring a friend. Well, we’re here to inform you about the top 10 people you’ll more than likely run into at one of these mythic parties.
10.) The Whiner:
To this kid, there is nothing sadder than their life. This kid’s not only whining about what we all have in common in terms of problems, but simply the color of their hair in reflection of the light. This person only gets drunk in order to complain about everything that can’t complain about while sober without being punched in the face.
9.) The Sexist:
This person just has it out for the opposite gender, or maybe even the same gender. Either way, they throw around nothing but sexist slurs towards the other party goers in hopes to start a sexism debate right there. FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!
8.) The White-Girl Wasted:
This is a cliché if there ever was one. This girl, or maybe even guy (we don’t judge), likes to throw their hands up in the air and scream: “I’m so drunk!” as slurred as possible. It’s also pretty common if they’re stripping. But hey, free show for everyone.
7.) The Scholar:
This person is a bit less common, kind of the holy grail of parties. This person will get wasted, but actually has the reverse effect with alcohol and becomes more logical and philosophical in turn. He’ll be telling you all about Aristotle and what he means in terms of that crazy cave anecdote. This partier also happens to be the one that never gets a hangover and is helping clean up the next morning.
6.) The MSU Fan:
We don’t know why these people come to campus parties; they simply wish they were at State getting wasted, and they let everyone know. This person is full of the stories of all the “good times” they had with the Spartans and flaunts it like a dick (a penis, not the personality trait).
5.) The Puker:
We all try to avoid these people, but they’re so hard to pick out in a crowd. This person spends most of the night drinking whatever concoction he came come up with to get more drunk than one can even imagine, and spend the rest of the night trying to find corners to hide puke in. Gross.
4.) The Hater:
This person just talks trash. He is the aggressive, violent drunk who will punch you just for looking at him. However, these people can be the much needed energy for a boring party. But exercise caution when approaching them; they’re unpredictable.
3.) The Overtly Sexual:
If your penis/butt/boobs just felt like they were getting grabbed, you’ve probably just fallen victim to this person. They use getting drunk as a way to get it on with everyone around so they won’t get judged in the morning. You’ll find him grabbing butts and rubbing his junk on your counter wearing nothing but a Speedo.
2.) Louie the Laker:
What’s a school mascot without campus parties? Louie shows up with beer bong in hand, ready to get his party on with all the Lakers. If he shows up at your party, it’s legendary…or it was the only party anyone, including Louie, could find in Allendale to go to.
1.) The Frat Boy:
Whether he’s a frat boy or not, this person is constantly asking newcomers who they know at the party, and reject their entrance if they’re not looking a certain way. You can spot him with his pastel colored shorts and polo, drinking beer straight from the keg and telling everybody that fraternities aren’t bad.