According to a recent study conducted by The Black Sheep, somewhere between “some” and “all” UMN students spend their summers raking in the cash by making friendship bracelets and keeping children from pummeling each other with large sticks in a magical place commonly referred to as “camp.” Although you may feel unequipped to handle adults after spending all summer with sweaty and snot-filled children, here is a list of the 5 skills you learned at summer camp that you can adapt to be the perfect friend once you return to school.
A true friend keeps their bestie from getting skin cancer or looking like a leather chair (remember “tanning mom”?). After all, what are best friends for if not to keep you looking your best? Out of fear of the wrath of stay-at-home parents who are using the camp that costs more than you are getting paid as a sort of “adventurous nanny,” you’ve probably learned to be extremely diligent when it comes to using the sticky white goo that protects the fragile skin of humans. When their skin is as smooth (and as pale) as a baby’s bottom, your friends will eventually (probably maybe) thank you.
At camp, all you needed to do in order for children to obey was offer them candy or threaten to shorten their swim time. Now, you can use these skills to get your friends to be bend to your needs no matter what. Just promise free alcohol and Mesa, or threaten to change your Netflix password, and your friends will be waiting on you head and toe.
3.) Out of control crying:
If you’re truly your friend’s best friend, you certainly will see your beautiful friend transformed into Kim Kardashian after she lost her diamond earing in the ocean. Whether it’s a bad breakup or not having enough money to buy ramen, camp has taught you that a bad pun, and a silly face that would make priceless screenshot material on Snapchat can cure any hideous sobbing session.
Children are really good at pretending that impossible things will happen one day. After all of your practice talking to children about their future plans to become a pirate, you will have no problem telling your friend that they will make it into Harvard law school or be the next Idina Menzel (and your friends will certainly believe you).
“Always turn to the side so their short body doesn’t leave their head in your crotch and don’t ever let them call you “’mom’ or ‘dad’.” The hugging rules from camp may not directly apply to your friend, but you for sure have had practice giving people comfort through platonic physical contact. Use your mad, non-sexual hugging skills to comfort your bestie in any situation, and they will love you forever.
After spending all summer becoming the best camp counselor ever, the skills you learned will help you be well on your way to being the best friend ever. After all, adults are just children who can run without tripping on their own legs, blow their nose without a reminder, and cry on the inside when life is just too much. Long live camp!