Booze Review: Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey

author-pic at East Carolina University  

Some idiot once said that “laughter is the best medicine” but they’ve clearly never had Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey. Though it’s never been prescribed by a doctor, or even by an actor who plays one on TV, honey has always been used to relieve sore throats, so you’ve got to figure that this does the trick. At the very least you’ll completely forget suffering from any kind of ailment after throwing back a few shots of Jack.

Grade: B

Smells Like:

The alarming rate at which bees are dying.

Tastes Like:

Lean that’s made with honey cough drops and whiskey instead of Promethazine and Sprite.

Typical Drinkers:

– The entire state of Tennessee.

– People who make those bizarre “The Bee Movie but…” videos on YouTube.

– The uninsured who don’t have access to adequate healthcare. God bless privatized medicine.

– Blake Shelton and really any other country music star.

– A Winnie the Pooh that’s fallen on hard times.

User Comments:

– “A spoon full of Jack helps the medicine go down.”

– “R.I.P. all the bees that died making this. Wait, bees don’t die from making honey? I knew that…”

– “I wish I was in Dixie! Hooray! Hooray!”

– “Wow, this is disgustingly sweet. At least my throat won’t hurt when I’m yakking all this up tomorrow morning.”

– “Do you think my Grandpa giving this to me as a kid is the reason why my life is a complete mess right now?”

Best Described as a Drink Superior To:

Fireball Cinnamon Whisky, an even cheaper flavored whisky that may or may not contain windshield washer fluid.

Will You Be Able to Write a Hit Country Song After Drinking This?:

Only if you also drive a truck and had your heart broken by a beautiful girl.

Did the Creator of Jack Daniel’s Really Die from Kicking a Safe?:

Maybe, but regardless it’s probably something you shouldn’t be doing on a regular basis.

What Your Doctor Would Say If You Told Them You Drank This:

“So you’re telling me you’ve been drinking this stuff to help with your cold instead of the medicine I prescribed you? Buddy, I think you have some more serious health problems than I initially thought.”

We Mixed it With:

Iced Tea and Lemonade to make a depressing tribute to the late great golfer Arnold Palmer.