Shit at ISU You’re Just Way Too Old For

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There comes a time in every Redbird’s life when they start to feel a little too old. Some things that may be “uber college” for freshmen start to become old news for upperclassmen’s aching bones. Before we know it, we’re no longer able to take a 10-minute nap between the darty and an entire night out. Our bodies begin to turn on us, turning that quick nap into a four hour snooze fest. It’s sad, but that’s just life, so here’s some shit you’re just too old for:

Drinking 8 cups of jungle juice in a sticky frat house basement:
Everyone likes to ignore the key rule of dodging the juice at a party, especially when they’re freshman. Who can resist being able to drink liquor without tasting it anyway? By now, you know it never ends well and probably can’t stand the smell after all those times you had to see it come back up. You can go ahead and give that a hard pass.

Hanging out in the dining center:
There’s a shift that everyone here goes through, when they go from always wanting to be at the dining center with all their friends to not wanting to be there for more than five minutes. Instead of enjoying the endless varieties of food at Watty, you’d rather stock up on as much food as possible in a to-go box so you don’t have to go grocery shopping until the weekend.

Festival ISU:
Festival ISU is really fun for everyone, but for two completely different reasons. This is an opportunity for freshmen and sophomores to explore potential clubs to get involved in and learn more about what goes on at school. For everyone else, it’s just an excuse to grab some free shit. Indulge in as many Young America shirts as you can carry, or stock up in enough cozies to get you through the rest of tailgate season.

Walking to the party:
Walking to the party used to be “the thing”. All of your floor mates would gather around and get ready for the trek to the night’s first location (which was most likely straight across campus), but that didn’t matter because walking was FUN! Now you’d rather take a DD or just not go to that party at all. Your capacity for walking to a party is at its all time low, so you’d rather just…not.

Disguising your liquor in Subway cups:
One of the easiest ways to distinguish who’s a freshman these days is to see if they’re walking around with a Subway cup at 11 p.m. in party clothes. We all know what’s in the cup, and it’s not fucking iced tea that’s for sure. We like to laugh at this, but this was a lot of us at one point. Thankfully, those days are over. Now we’re either old enough to be walking around with liquor, or you just don’t really give a shit about the Normal PD anymore.

Getting old is scary, but it’s also an introduction to the sweet life. You start to realize how much harder life was, and how easy it can be now that you have gained some wisdom here. By now you should be the closest thing to a professional drinker, navigator, and scammer all thanks to life here at ISU.

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