Drinking Game: Lonely Irish Poker

author-pic at University of Maryland  

Do you love games, but hate socializing? Do you enjoy or romanticize drinking in solitude? Are all of your friends a part of the Temperance movement? Do you have no friends? If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, we have the perfect drinking game for you!

What You’ll Need:

A case of beer or a handle of liquor, depending on your budget, tolerance, and regard for your own life. A deck of cards. A lonely space in which to sulk, like a porch swing or dingy basement couch.

Number of Players: One: you.

Level of Intoxication:

You’ll be drunk enough to cope with the fact that you have few friends, if any.

How to Play:

Place your drink of choice (cold one, rail vodka, small batch whiskey, etc.) in your left hand. Firmly grasp it!

– Using your right hand, pick a card from the deck. You can pull a random card or pull one from the top, it really doesn’t matter.

– Read the number aloud, just for fun. There’s no one here to make fun of you for doing this.

– Chug from your drink of choice for the amount of seconds listed on the card. Face cards are 11, ace is 12.

– Repeat until you run out of booze, lose motivation, or someone shows up to provide you companionship.

The Game Ends When:

Alcohol stops entering your mouth and being pumped throughout your system. If you fall asleep, you can continue to play when you wake up, although you probably should not. Prolonged play is known to be correlated with depression and feelings of hopelessness, so try not to play too often. Then again, who are we to stop you?