8 Reasons To Say “F*ck It” and Just Stay at MSU For a Fifth Year

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As you begin to make your plans for your post-MSU life, you realize that nothing will ever compare to the college lifestyle. The Black Sheep has compiled a list of reasons to help justify staying for that unnecessary fifth year.

8.) You Can Get that Creative Writing Minor:
While an idea hasn’t quite come to you yet, if you don’t come back and finish out a creative writing minor, you can kiss away the millions you’re going to make off the next “Great American Novel” good-bye. Acquiring a creative writing minor is really the most practical thing you could do for your future, honestly.

 

7.) Michigan State Football Disappointed You Last Year:
This year the Spartan football team left you a wet, sad, and huddled piece of trash, and there’s no way you should let this be your last memory of tailgate season. Come back in the fall and you’re bound to find more than three wins waiting for you.

6.) Mary Mayo Has Cursed Your Soul and Will Follow You to Whatever City You Move to:
As much as you want to run from her, the fact of the matter is that Mary Mayo’s ghost is bound to follow you no matter where you go. If you up and run, her spirit will infiltrate wherever you end up, so you better stay in East Lansing, you selfish asshole.

 

5.) You Have Caf Swipes Remaining:
You have more swipes than there are days that remain in the semester. There’s no reason to return to campus this fall more valid than making sure you’ll be around to use those remaining swipes on Sny-Phi’s pub menu and Union late night.

 

4.) Your Luck at Rick’s is Bound to Change:
Considering your Rick’s track record, you have nowhere to go but up. By returning in fall you’re guaranteed to be bating 1.000.

3.) The Sny-Phi Caf Just Introduced its All-Chicken Menu:
After years of integrating chicken into more and more of its menu items, The Gallery at Snyder-Phillips is proud to introduce its all-chicken menu. Starting fall of 2017, every item at Sny-Phi will, in fact, be chicken.

2.) You Can Use Your Olin Visits to Get Your Mole Checked Out:
While you’ve done a good job avoiding the doctor for the last four years, unfortunately, that mole has gotten far too large to ignore. You’re too busy with classes to get it checked out right now, but if you return in the fall, you’ll have the opportunity to get that mole the size of Texas taken off your back.

1.) You Have No Real Life Path to Follow:
To be completely honest, you have no real life goals, so you’re better off just delaying the inevitable and all of the difficult decisions you’ll someday be forced to make.

Hopefully we’ve shown you the light and you’ll remain where you belong this coming fall. Go green!

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