A Special Spartan Recipe to Prepare your Bod for Tailgate Season

author-pic at Michigan State University  

Everyone always talks about the steps to getting a summer body, but for us college kids, we know the real goal is having our hot Spartan bods ready for the toxins we’ll soon be guzzling this tailgate season. Luckily, The Black Sheep has the most perfect and disgustingly effective method that’ll get your body tailgate-ready.

Step 1- Find Your Dad’s New Balances:
They’re around somewhere. Is your dad above 40? Yeah, he’s got them, no excuses. Check the closet, next to the lawnmower, or inside the grill. Now that you’ve uncovered your char covered dad version of Jordans, onto your mom’s contribution to your tailgate body.

Step 2- Find Your Mom’s Weed:
Us college kids like weed, right? I bet you never realized your mom has been trappin’ out of your pantry since before Jim Harbaugh started wearing a toupe. That’s right, dillweed!

Step 3- The Procedure:
You have the right tools (don’t say your parents never give you anything), you have the motivation, and by reading The Black Sheep you obviously have the smarts. Pour an unjust amount of dillweed into your dad’s shoes, add a little water (not mentioned in title but shut up) and chug that shit like you’re a frat bro who just wants to fit in and feel accepted.

Step 4- This Is Where It Get’s Good And A Bit Chunky:
You won’t find this recipe in a Betty Crocker cookbook that’s for damn sure. Heck, we don’t even know what dillweed really is! Puke so many times it’ll cancel out the puke that you might feel you need to let out during any given tailgate. It’s scientifically critically acclaimed through the novel prize by Bill Nye (BILL! BILL! BILL!) that this logic makes sense. Puke it out now, so you won’t have to later.

Step 5- Drink So Fucking Much Tailgating That People Are Nervous For You, Yet Impressed:
You might trip, you might drool, you may pee a little, but you will NOT puke. Your body may want to, but then it’ll be like, “damn, I did this so many times a month ago, I don’t need to do it again!” (direct quote from a Black Sheeper’s stomach that had trained their body using this method).

The first tailgate is coming in hot, and this procedure is quite honestly the only way you’ll make it through. The Black Sheep and Bill Nye wish you the best of luck, and we just know you won’t be blowing chunks this fall.