Lotsa Unconventional Ways to Eat at MSU’s New Pizza Place, Lotsa Pizza

author-pic at Michigan State University  

 

With the abrupt closing of the infamous West Conrad’s, Michigan State students have been in shambles. The drunk bellies of thousands are howling for salvation of any kind. Thankfully, there is a glimmer of hope in the form of pizza, Lotsa Stone Fired Pizza. The new pizza place located on Grand River is poppin’ with reasonably priced and thoroughly delicious pies. Here are lotsa ways to eat Lotsa pizza.

8.) Bring Your Dad:
If there’s one thing all 50-year-old, touch of gray-using men have in common, it’s that they love a greasy slice of ‘za. You’ll make less than engaging small talk, he’ll buy you a meal, and you’ll cautiously cover your hickey(s).

7.) Bring Your “Daddy”:
Cuffing season is in full swing, and if there’s one thing all post-pubescent, horny college boys have in common, it’s that they love a wet slice of ‘za. You’ll make extremely uninteresting small talk, he might(?) buy you a meal, and you’ll have a helluva time getting some pizza-smelling hickeys later. If you play your cards right, you might even get some adequate Italian sausage.

6.) Bring A Natty Daddy:
Time to hit you with the hard truth: you’re alone. Every attempt to court an attractive and charming lady has been futile. The only way you seem to make any actual progress is when you’re blissfully intoxicated. You pour your heart out, have a memorable night, and then it goes back to the crushing rat race of getting lied to, ignored, and rejected. Pairing a Natty Daddy with some eat-your-feelings-food is the only way to get through the lonesome semester.

5.) When You’re Sad:
Wasn’t kidding in that last paragraph. It actually really sucks, being used at the expense of your emotions and feelings. Luckily, there’s nothing sadder than eating a $3 pizza all by yourself in the streets of East Lansing, other than pairing it with a slushie from QD.

4.) When You’re Mad:
No, seriously. It legitimately is horrible. Getting ignored, lied to, and then still having feelings for the other person while they don’t even bat an eye really pisses you off. Good thing pizza really pisses you on. Eat your heart out.

3.) When You’re Writing Bad:
Whether it be going on really long personal tangents in a The Black Sheep article or not putting any effort into your MSU turf class essay, not everyone consistently writes to their personal ability and potential. Having pizza to be there for you will always make everything better.

2.) A UAB Event That’s Totally Rad (Then Getting Pizza After):
The only good thing in that title is the latter. Nobody has ever had a “rad” time at a UAB event.

1.) After Getting Hit in the Nads:
IM East basketball gets intense. Who would’ve thought you would throw up three times after getting lightly brushed on the left nut by that guy that really shouldn’t be playing basketball? Olin Health Center won’t be able to help here. Stone fired pizza is the only way to quell the pain in your fiery balls.

G’bless the latest installment on Grand River. Pizza goes a far way when you’re not feeling the best. Lotsa pizza has lotsa benefits, and Spartans are grateful for it.

Are you wishing you changed your mind about location yet?