10 Things to Do Before “Darty” Weather Turns Back to “Don’t Bother” Weather

author-pic at Michigan State University  

 

When the weather warms up even a degree above 50, the entirety of Michigan throws on the flip-flops and jorts to celebrate climate change. We at Michigan State embrace it more than the regular citizens, with the beloved practice of the “darty.” Because we care about you, we’ve come up with 10 activities to do before we return to the inevitable snowy hellscape.

10.) Play Frisbee With the Bros:
Get out into the unseasonably warm weather and throw that flimsy dog disc around, so that everyone in Hubbard and Akers can look out their windows and gaze upon your semi-toned biceps. The lawn is begging for your tank-clad brethren to stomp and scream in the sunlight as you try to make tossing a dog toy back and forth look like a real sport.

9.) Build a Deck:
You may or may not be “daddy af” now, but are you “dad af?” Find out by building a deck around your shitty, unkempt M.A.C home without first asking your landlord for permission. Tell them it’ll add property value as a place to hide all the empty beer cans after your latest White Trash Bash. Of course, a real dad would just hike up the cargos and tell them you don’t give a hoot!

8.) Steal Sparty’s Golf Cart:
Look, Sparty is a big, strong lady-killer who definitely does not need to roll around in a golf cart. Have you seen his muscles? He can handle a trek or two across campus. Use your spring fever as adrenaline to commit grand theft auto. Bonus points if you wear a Sparty costume and cause campus-wide confusion.

7.)Put Flowers on Zeke’s Grave:
Not only was he a good boy, he was the good-est boy. These lovely spring days are the best time to take some leftovers from your fridge and the bro’s Frisbee, and leave them with the pride of Spartan Nation. You never missed a disc, Zeke, that guy just didn’t know how to throw. RIP.

6.) Play Pick-Up Basketball with Conner George:
Around this time of year, you can usually catch the star of the basketball team flexing his lack of prowess at the dorm courts. He’ll probably request to sit on the sidelines in his warm-ups, so he can pretend he’s in a real game. When there’s a substantial lead by one team, he’ll ask you to yell at him to go in and he’ll do his thing – maybe. Is Conner good at basketball? We wouldn’t know.

5.) Show Off Your Ghastly, Pale Thighs:
Let’s be honest, those puppies are whiter than a public school history curriculum. If there’s one thing that’ll turn on the ladies, it’s some knobby knees pale enough to reflect sunlight rather than absorb it. Girls love to sunbathe when it’s warm out, so put those computer-paper tinted limbs to good use and act as a reflector for all of their tanning needs.

4.) Create a Hobo Fight Club:
You know you’re going to need some spring break money, so the most logical way to make some extra dough is to create a hobo-fighting ring. Have other enthusiasts place bets – you’ll end up pocketing it all, since you’re the mastermind who set up the operation, and thus know which hobos are the fiercest of the bunch.

3.) Get Drunk at Noon in the 7/11 Parking Lot:
When you’ve spent the whole morning chugging Natty on your porch instead of attending your Poly-Sci class, your day has a few possible paths it could follow, from going to class to chugging so many Nattys that you wake up in the 7/11 parking lot, without pants and with a smattering of what could either be toaster strudel frosting or something much more sinister on your chest.

2.) Actually Go to Class:
Nah, we’re just fucking with you.

1.) Skip It to Darty:
Beautiful weather is best spent in a basketball jersey, tonguing a Jell-O shot on the lawn of Pi Beta Fish. Make the bad decisions you would normally make at 3 a.m. at 3 p.m. instead. Send that “wyd?” text before noon. The possibilities are endless, because the sun is alive, the squirrels are out, and you can finally see hot girl’s butts again. Spring has sprung, and so have you, my friend.

Put your ass in some jorts and get a drink in your hand. Spring has arrived, at least for a week before the capricious Michigan weather switches back to winter. Don’t waste this opportunity to pretend you don’t have responsibilities, despite it being midterms.

 

WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.

 
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