5 Cool New Ways to Hide Alcohol From Your Parents this Summer

author-pic at University of Pittsburgh  

Gone are the days of hiding your bottle of Vlad in your dorm closet. Now you have to deal with parents that are a little too nosy and keep barging in your room unannounced. If you somehow even manage to get your hands on some alcohol, how will you ever hide it from your mom that keeps rummaging around your room like she’s still looking for your middle school diary? The Black Sheep is here to help. After some trial and error, we’ve found 5 cool new ways to prevent your parents from finding the bottle of strawberry lemonade Svedka and 6 pack of Natty Light your older sister bought for you.

5.) The Water Bottle Trick:
This one requires some prep work. Suddenly become obsessed with consuming enough water, and staying hydrated. Buy a case of water bottles and keep a group of them in your room at all times. Make sure your parents always see you carry one around, sipping on it casually. After a couple weeks you can slowly swap out some of the water for a clear liquor of your choice, and your parents won’t even bat an eye.

4.) Scare Them Off:
There are certain things about your life that your parents just don’t want to know about. Take advantage of this by using the more disturbing parts of your life to hide your alcohol. Place your bottles and cans in the bottom of one of your drawers and go to town covering them up with anything your heart desires. Flavored condoms. Anime themed underwear. Pictures of Cathy with mysterious stains on them. One look at the contents and your parents won’t dare dig down further.

3.) Just Chug It:
Nothing says summer like getting drunk alone in your room while your parents are away. Wait until your parents leave for date night, if they’re not too old and bitter for that sort of thing, and just chug. Why try to hide a half-drank bottle of Banker’s Club gin when you could drink the whole thing and just have to hide the empty bottle in the trash? Sure, drinking all that liquor alone may not seem as fun, but you’re repressing all these memories anyway.

2.) Sacrifice Your Siblings:
You’re definitely the perfect child in this household. Stash your alcohol in your sibling’s rooms and let them take the blame. The cans of Lionshead in your brother’s laundry are his problem now. This is payback for when he scared away your first boyfriend, or threatened to tell your parents about the time he found you in a compromising position with a bowl of mac n cheese. It’s finally time to undermine the goody-two-shoes of your family.

1.) Don’t Even Try:
Why bother? No matter how hard you try to hide it, they probably already know you drink. Accept your fate and have them accept your impending alcoholism. Show up to breakfast with a can of beer. Make no attempt to hide the handle of Smirnoff you’ve nearly finished off and keep it right next to your bed where it belongs. Drink your morning Bloody Mary as casually as you’d drink orange juice. Next you’ll be introducing your parents to your weed, your sex life, and your creepy doll collection. The drinking won’t seem as bad then.