8 Classes We Wish the Pitt Course Catalog Offered

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Pitt is an institution of higher learning, and many of us attend this school to quench our insatiable thirst for knowledge. Others attend simply to get a degree that will get them a job and makes lots of money. Others attend to live in South O and not show up to classes, and we’re not totally sure why you’re here.. But even with the vast Pitt course catalog offered, there are certain skills and knowledge we wish you could learn from a pro. So here’s a list of 8 classes we wished Pitt would offer.

8.) Advanced Drinking (Upperclassmen only):
First of all, cliché. Second of all, unnecessary right? Most of you THINK you know how to drink. But shotgunning 8 Natties and stumbling around your lawn isn’t really drinking, it’s more like self-torture. This class will teach the nuances of drinking, like how to toe the fine line between being absolutely lit and hitting on a married woman at the bar. 

7.) Drinking 101:
Another drinking class! Only this time for the sheltered freshman who came to Pitt without ever having had a drink before, but also who really really wants to be cool and party. Some will argue that Alcohol EDU is the same as this, to which we would say; do you remember anything from those four hours of your life? Let’s attach this to your GPA and see if you pay attention then.

6.) South O Party Tips:
Some important things to note when you’re going to South O parties: if you’re a dude, make sure you’re carrying a 5 or maybe a flask filled with good liquor, and in the winter months, instead of wearing a jacket consider a bacardigan or a beer blanket instead to keep you warm. Beer pong tips and much more are offered in this very valuable course.

5.) Picking a Roommate 110:
Remember how you and your best friend that you met on Facebook before freshman year were going to live together? And, it was going to be so perfect because why wouldn’t it perfect living in close quarters with someone you were friends with for a month in the beginning of your freshman year? If you had a roommate horror story your freshman year, you know how valuable this class would be.

4.) How to Pick Classes:
This one is very meta, isn’t it? But if you’re trying to keep that GPA up and you’ve got a million and one things on your schedule (or you’re just lazy), you have to know which professors are easy and which will take weekends away from your semester and years off of your life. This informative class will have all the info on which professors you want to take. Way better than Rate My Professors, trust us.

3.) Unspoken Social Rules:
Maybe they’re not unspoken anymore if we have a class on them. Either way, things like not taking someone’s seat in the lecture hall when they’ve been sitting there for half the semester, not sparking up conversations with someone with headphones on, and hogging Bigelow between classes so no cars can ever get by are just a few of the rules we’ll discuss in this class.

2.) A Brutally Honest Review of Clubs at Pitt:
We all want to get involved on campus and meet new people, and clubs are a good way to do that. Well, some clubs. Some clubs and organizations absolutely suck and the scary part is you’ll never know which one it is until you join, and then you’re left with nothing but a bunch of people who don’t want to be there anymore but feel compelled because they paid dues.

1.) Cooking Class:
Y’all are living off of Ramen and Sorrento’s and other diets that would make any grandmother in America want to cry, say a prayer for you, and swaddle you in a blanket. Seriously, nobody ever learns this so please teach us a valuable skill, Pitt!

These classes may not be in the course catalog now, but someday soon Pitt will realize just how valuable these life lessons would be.