Booze Review: UV Sriracha Vodka

author-pic at Syracuse University  

Think sriracha is good on everything? Think the f*** again. UV Sriracha Vodka is like two beautiful people getting married and having the ugliest damn kid on the planet. Mr. Sriracha would be too ashamed to even take this abomination on The Maury Show to see if he truly was the father. If you wanted proof that God doesn’t exist, here it is.

Grade: F

Smells Like:

Guy Fieri sweating profusely while going to pound town on a basket of buffalo wings.

Tastes Like:

Your stupid kid brother crushed up a bunch of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and put it in your booze. Asshole…

Typical Drinkers:

– Masochists.

– People that got way too caught up in the sriracha-everything craze.

– Frat guys trying to make the pledges lives hell.

– Girls who want to be in physical pain when they cry over their cheating ex-boyfriend.

User Comments:

– “This is some lightweight stuff. Someone hand me the hot sauce, Imma Bobby Flay this drink.”

– “I can’t wait for UV to release their Avocado and Acai Bowl Vodka this year.”

– “Is there actually a market for UV Sriracha? Like, who actually goes out and purposefully buys this?”

– “Is it normal for it to sting when I pee after drinking this? I swear if I got gonorrhea again I’m going to be livid.”

– “Has science gone too far? First they engineer Climate Change and now this?!?”

Best Described as a Drink Superior To:

Dying of thirst. Actually, on second thought…

 

Can I Do Anything With This Besides Drink It?:

Yes, in fact it’s highly encouraged that you don’t drink it. Swap this stuff out with someone’s eye drops and wait for the magic to happen.

 

How Much Does It Cost?:

Who cares? Even if someone offered you money to drink this you still shouldn’t.

Does This Drink Have Any Useful Purpose?:

It’s a good drink when you want to pour one out for someone you absolutely despise.

We Mixed it With:

The trashcan.