BC Eagles are usually considered a calm, magnanimous people. Like our namesakes, we soar above the storms of tribulation with a graceful wing and a withering stare. But there are a few things that drill straight to the core of a BC student’s identity — things we can’t just shake off. Things you can’t unhear, or undo. So the only option is to dive in and ruffle some goddamn feathers. If you try any of the following stunts on Chestnut Hill turf, we are legally not responsible for the tragic results.
8.) Get color printing and act like it’s no big deal:
Apparently colored ink is made by mixing kraken blood with the tears of Pontius Pilate’s dog Ol’ Yipper, because it costs an arm and a leg just to approach the machine. If you breeze through the black-and-white printing line just to blow a month’s salary on fancy ink, expect a few dirty looks on the way back.
7.) Steal someone’s table at Hillside:
It’s hard enough navigating the suburban jungle that is Hillside without this lecherous backstabbing. You can pretend you didn’t see the backpack next to the seat. You can pretend you didn’t know it was taken. You can keep pretending all the way to hell.
6.) Shit-talk the hockey team:
BC doesn’t have a lot of sports pride (if you ever want to end a party fast, just bring up the basketball team and watch the atmosphere deflate like a leaky balloon). But there’s no force on the ice that can stop our hockey team — or the withering chants designed to puncture the other team’s very soul. That’s right, other goalie. It IS all your fault.
5.) Refuse to shit-talk the football team:
Conversely, nothing will mark you as a target of mockery like trying to honestly defend the football team. Coaches have come, gone, and come again throughout the years, but none have been able to alter the facts: Eagles get fried on the gridiron. Just enjoy the tailgate and get ready to walk out right before halftime.
4.) Fail the team as the flip-cup anchor:
As in a relay race, the flip-cup anchor is the heart of the team. It doesn’t matter how spectacular your teammates perform if you screw the pooch at the last minute. Watching all your hard-won flipping precision go to waste as a goober freshman struggles to remember which side of the cup is which… it inspires the type of rage usually found in McDonald’s employees and Mr. T impersonators.
3.) Walk in on your roommate when there’s a sock on the door:
C’mon, this is basic collegiate code. Sock on the door means sexy times are in progress, nobody wants to walk in on that. It’s the type of trespass that can soil a friendship forever. If you see the door blown off its hinges, however, maaaaaybe check to see if everyone’s ok… and if there’s a sock buried in the rubble, congratulate your roommate on a job well done.
2.) Drop out of a lunch meeting:
Everyone knows that trying to arrange lunches with friends — even close ones — is like pulling the teeth of an anal secretary with her jaw wired shut. So if you and a friend endure all that trouble, sift through each other’s calendars until you finally spot an opening, and then they bail, it’s the worst kind of humiliation. The kind that can only be solved with a bloodsworn vendetta, or just a repeated viewing of V for Vendetta. But if you vanish from a movie night featuring V for Vendetta? Nothing can save you.
1.) Say “BU” instead of “BC”:
Instant, painful death. Don’t waste your breath trying to take it back.
So, unless you are asking for your death wish, don’t bring up any of the above-mentioned things. Tempers will flare. Oh, and one last thing. Never, ever, make fun of a Canada Goose jacket.
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