College is a learning curve, and last semester you learned that leaving blanks all over your exams would curve your GPA downward. It’s this type of clever af thinking that can save you, plus a little kissing ass sprinkled on top, which ends up being catchall answers that might win you a few brownie points despite being absolutely wrong. And because we know and respect just what a lazy POS you are, we did the work for you. Here are some grade-boosting suggestions that’ll at least give you some brownie-points for trying, and save you from slowly fading away in the stacks of O’Neil.
5.) “Men and women for others”:
No matter the format of the test, even if it means squishing this into the tiny Scantron bubbles, it ensures a
perfect A better chance of not failing. No matter what class and professor you have, BC forces “men and women for others” to be an acceptable answer to all and any questions. That’s how bad they want this programmed into your little Jesuit robot brain.
You might think 1,000,000 is the more prominent number on campus but that’s just a myth — there are really only about 100,000 stairs that lead from lower to middle campus. 65,000 is the amount of dollars we all pay to be taking this precious test, so it might as well subtly remind your professor of this fact while you stare daggers at him. Don’t even bother showing any work, just write $65,000 then hand it in, and commence death stare.
3.) St. Ignatius:
Stuck on who said what from that book you didn’t read in that class you never even went to? St. Ignatius founded this Jesuit Catholic university we go to, so of course he’s the one your professor is quoting. In fact, don’t even study any philosophers whatsoever, no one else is relevant here besides the founder himself.
2.) “Set the world aflame”:
When asked to write any form of essay, short answer, or reflection, this is the ultimate concluding sentence. Or topic sentence. Or even a good analysis of the passage you are responding to. BC is very focused on their students making a difference in the world, and so what better way than giving a unique answer that’ll set your response apart from the rest of the class? There’s no way you won’t get that A, how could they grade you any lower when you’re going to set the world aflame?
1.) “Division 1 Athletics”:
In case you haven’t noticed, BC is very proud of their athletics, no matter if we’re winning… or losing all the time in everything. So be sure to brush up on your stats before you head into the exam and list as many championships or awards BC athletics has won in its lifetime. Your professors will be so distracted by BC’s past success (or failure, but whatever) they won’t even remember the question they asked you. Oh, and attaching a picture of you and the Doug Flutie statue, or at least drawing a shirtless Doug Flutie with super ripped abs where your essay exam should be, is definitely worth some bonus points
This is not only a surefire path to a 4.0 this semester, but a way to impress even the crankiest of professors. Happy not studying! Bullshit is bullshit, unless it’s one of these perfect BC-centric answers. Then it’s just pure gold.
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