Thanksgiving is a day to remember the pilgrims and celebrate their peace(ish) and unity with the Native Americans, followed by having a shouting match about politics with your racist uncle… and it’s quickly approaching. This is cause for excitement, but like everything in college, this is also a cause of stress. That is to say, you’ve been in the BC Bubble for a solid 4 months now, and you’ve maybe forgotten that home and the Heights aren’t quite the same. So, here are 5 tips to prepare yourself for leaving the BC bubble and rejoining society this Thanksgiving break.
Step 1 — Count your drinks:
This isn’t advice on limiting the number of drinks you have during the holiday. We’ll assume you learned that lesson last Easter when you ended up booting all over grandma’s upstairs bathroom. Rather, this is advice to merely count your drinks. In the Mods or in Walsh it’s “Trill AF” to have had “eight beers already!” That’s what being cool is all about. However it’s really different in your grandma’s dining room. Eight beers is seen as “a problem” and you’re just gonna cause trouble. We at The Black Sheep like to use the formula (X × 0.6323) – 1 for counting our drinks. Thus those 8 beers really just become a mere 4, hell you might even grab a glass of wine with that turkey.
Step 2 — Dress… differently:
At this point in the semester you’ve regressed to wearing 1 of about 5 outfits on the day to day all of which are “inappropriate for Thanksgiving” according to mom. That romper you wore to Patron’s last week is a definite no no. Now you’re an adult and independent and she’s TOTALLY being ridiculous, but think about this for a moment. Come Christmas you’re going to have to explain to your parents why exactly you have a C+ in Financial Accounting, so let’s just make mom happy now, eh?
Step 3 — Try not to alienate your high school friends:
Ah yes the people who were born relatively near you and were therefore your best friends from ages 10-18. You’ll be pretty excited to run with the old crew again for a night, maybe you’ll go to a bar together! It’s on your fun night out together where you’ll run into your ex, that dude you hated from algebra, and two of your friends will be at each other’s throats before the night is over. It’s then that you’ll remember you hated high school. Unless you went to BC High, and then your friends from home are literally the same people you see every day at BC… so, yeah.
Step 4 — Prepare a script to answer your family’s endless questions:
Thanksgiving is a time for family, and unfortunately yours is miserable. You’re going to be asked about such topics as classes, relationships, job opportunities, majors, minors, etc. and you need to prepare to deal with that. The first thing you’re going to realize is that no one actually cares about the answer, it’s just that being a college student is 95% of your identity. If you don’t want Aunt Christine asking if there are any special boys, be more interesting. Since being interesting will require working on yourself, and that’s out of the question, we’d recommend empty answers of yes and no, and that you refer to tip 5. Maybe even throw in a white lie and comment on how nice St. Ignatius Church is (from the outside, but they don’t need to know you haven’t gone once this semester).
Step 5 — The Meal:
This is it. The reason you put up with all the excess work of the holiday season. Turkey that’s been in the oven longer than you’ve been up, mashed potatoes whose recipe hasn’t changed since ’89, and an amount of alcohol that’s been increasing exponentially since you and your cousins started becoming legal(ish). You don’t need any advice for this day, just loosen your belt one notch and get after it. The Plex will be waiting for you when you return, don’t worry.
It’s just a quick trip up to the surface of the real world so don’t worry, you can swim down to the warm depths of the BC Bubble before you know it. And then it’s FiNaLs!`!~!~!~!~!
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