If you’re still unaware that BC is a Jesuit university, then you must liveth under a rock. Why else would 75% of the student body identify as Irish Catholic? What most people don’t know is that BC is home to many different faiths and perspectives. Everyone has a right to their own faith here, but there are some rules that every Eagle should follow. Even though Moses himself isn’t here to tell you, here are the Ten Commandments of Boston College.
X.) Thou shalt always choose Late Nite:
“Should we get late nite?” The answer is always, YES. If you are even contemplating going to get late nite food, then just stop right there. Of course you must go. Who else will eat all of the mozz sticks and fries?
IX.) Thou shalt never take a walk of shame from Upper to Newton:
Can we really call it a walk of shame if you’re riding on a bus? Who knows, but either way this is just strange. For God’s sake, stay on upper and have a nice breakfast in Mac.
VIII.) Thou shalt not steal from the dining halls:
Everyone’s a sinner. That $2,500 meal plan money really does not go a long way, and every food item in Lower costs more than tuition. Even if the checkout line is longer than the Great Wall, you can just wait. God’s always watching, and BC doesn’t need God to unleash bad karma this ice hockey season.
VII.) Thou shalt honor AJ Dillon and the rest of the football team:
It seems as though our football team has made some improvements this season. Let’s try and keep it this way. No one can ever forget the time that he threw the Louisville defender down before running to the end zone. That was a moment that started it all.
VI.) Thou shalt never walk up the Million Dollar Stairs.
The Maloney elevators are conveniently placed right next to the stairs. There’s no need to walk up those hundred something steps unless you want bigger buns and thighs. If that’s the case, then by all means.
V.) Thou shalt never press two or three in Maloney elevators:
Speaking of taking the Maloney elevators, never stop on floors two or three. It is just a nuisance to stop on floors two or three, and no one at this school has the patience for it.
IV). Thou shalt always hate BU:
This is a given. “And the Lord said unto us, Sucketh to BU.”
III.) Thou shalt make idols of thine greatest BC alumni:
Matt Ryan, Pete Frates, Amy Poehler, and Doug Flutie are just some of the iconic BC alums. They are a lot to live up to, but they’re just like us! At one point or another you could have probably seen Amy Poehler yacking outside of the Mods or seen former US Secretary of State John Kerry cramming for finals in Bapst.
II.) Thou shalt never make direct eye contact with the Arrupe people in Lower:
The odds of you having enough money to donate and eat for the rest of the semester are low. Just walk quickly passed the table, but don’t be a dick about it. If you actually can survive through the rest of the semester, then definitely donate.
I.) Thou shalt shut up about “all of the shit you have to do”:
For the love of God, please stop talking about everything you have to do. We get it, you’re busy, but so are the other ten thousand people that go to this school. No one gives a shit about your eight test, three papers, and homework you have. If you really had that much to do, you probably wouldn’t go out three nights a week, now would you?
These ten commandments were passed down by from John McElroy unto Father Leahy, and now unto you. Please recite them every night before bed.
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