A Judgmental Map of Boston College

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By now, students pretty much know the ins and outs of campus, but there hasn’t been a map of campus that accurately describes what each place on campus is all about, until now. Take a look at this judgmental map of Boston College.

Click the map to enlarge! 

bc-map 

The Plex:
Enter at your own risk. If you’re not wearing top of the line Lululemon, don’t even think about setting foot in here. Even if you are, you should seriously think twice before entering this sauna; your three hour elliptical session is just not worth the inhumane temperatures the plex breeds. Also, beware to cross the invisible gender boundary line. Girls, stay to the ab mats or cardio machines. Boys, stay to the “lift heavy, grunt loudly” weights section.

Bonus: Friday through Sunday the Plex has the extra special smell of hundreds of kids sweating out their hangovers.

The Res:
The Res is just another place the overly ambitious fit students of BC can get a quick run in. Pros: Dogs. Lots of dogs. Also, a nice view and none of the overpowering BO you’ll find at the Plex. Cons: Aggressive geese and the occasional old man wearing far too little clothing (a.k.a the shirtless, speedo-wearing, bearded old man who chooses to walk the Res while reading a book and listening to his Walkman).

Million Dollar Stairs:
The most underused part of campus, because no one is dumb enough to hike up those things with perfectly good elevators standing by. Even with the nice terrace halfway up for a quick rest, why would anyone climb real stairs when they can fight over the stair-climbers at the Plex later?? You can identify the brave (or stupid) few who tried because they are undoubtedly sweating profusely in class.

Walsh Hall:
Home to almost 900 sophomores, this crappy dorm is somehow the highlight of every BC students’ career. With its beer-coated floors, moldy showers with private parts sketched on the doors, no AC, cramped living quarters, and ceilings known to drip with sweat, Walsh is the place to be on any Thursday-Saturday night. But never forget to STFU at 8, 10, and 12 if you want to stay out of the RD’s office.

Freshman tip: find someone to swipe you into Walsh, find someone to swipe you into the elevator, troll every hall listening for a loud room, knock on said room’s door, tell door person you know “John,” or any other pronounceable name posted on the door, hope door person is drunk enough to believe you, go inside and prepare to sweat.

Mac:
Bug-infested broccoli? 2,000 calorie build-your-own mac and cheese? Rats running loose? Choose this gourmet BC dining hall for your next nutritious meal. Or don’t, unless you are a freshman or one of the unfortunate CoRo dwellers.

Pro tip: late night Mac attack. Enough said.

 

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