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BC Majors Renamed To Fit What They Actually Are

In case you haven’t heard BC is like a wicked good school and you’re guaranteed to get a job after graduation if you just network on EagleLink. So who really cares what your major is anyways? You’re paying $60,000 to drink at tailgates watching D1 sports (lose) and still end up with a job probably maybe. But if BC had honest names for BC majors on the ol’ course catalog, this is what they’d say: 

Perspectives — Even We Don’t Know WTF This Is:
No one outside of BC has any idea what this is. And anyone you tell here is going to have one of two reactions: “No way, same! Want to go discuss Kant’s The Groundworks of Metaphysics of Morals then go listen to Kerry Cronin’s talk, we should be about three weeks early to get the best seats,” or “What, why? That class was the bane of my existence freshman year.” What the hell kind of job are you going to get with a degree no one has even heard of? This is the one exception to the EagleLink gods.

Pre-Med — Aimless and Overworked:
Technically this isn’t an official major, but it might as well be. It consumes the lives of more than half of BC’s campus by the talk of it. And if you have not heard about the overly stressed, always tired, wicked smart pre-med students here at BC, then you must not ever take your headphones out because beware: they’re everywhere. And according to them (and their parents), they’re the real talent here at BC. Little do they know they could’ve gotten a job without having to suffer through more years of school post graduation.

CSOM — Current and Future D-Bags:
Hey, did you know BC has like, the best business school in the country?! If not, ask a CSOM kid. Better yet, ask a CSOM Honors kid. Who cares what your major is because you’re in CSOM and that’s high-key guaranteed to make you rich. Also, you’re way above having a major because you can have a concentration or even a double concentration. And who could forget about CSOM recruitment season, look out Wall Street! 

Nursing — Most Likely Have Our Lives Together:
Who doesn’t want to rock cute maroon BC scrubs on campus? And did you know the nursing students are guaranteed all 4 years of housing? It’s almost like being pre-med, but better because they just chill in White Mountain having “seminar meetings,” and are guaranteed to get networked into a Boston hospital by CSON. Who doesn’t want to get a nursing degree and live in Boston?

Communications – I’m Only Good at Social Media:
Writing unpaid and unread posts for Buzzfeed isn’t a real job, but you’ll never let your mom know that. According to her you “Investigate opinions and knowledge that people already have, but in a way that’s ‘new’ and ‘exciting.’” Whatever that means.  

English — Drunk and Confused:
Wait so why are you here? English is where you’ll find the confused students or those who got off the waitlist and just had to go here. That being said, these kids know the deal: they read and drink. Why aren’t we all English majors? Aside from the fact paying off thousands of dollars of debt will take just as long as it will to have your first ebook published on Amazon for free.

So whether you’re struggling to pick a major to please your parents or you aren’t sure if your current major is the right fit for you, just remember you could be at BU. Don’t stress too much, you’ll eventually get a job and be able to pay back the millions of dollars of student loans you took out. Or, better yet, just crack into your trust fund!


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