Today is International Women’s Day, which means women all over the world are celebrating their social, cultural and political achievements, while pushing for further progress.
But feminism’s real hero is our own president and self-proclaimed respecter of women Donald J. Trump, who announced on Twitter this morning that in honor of International Women’s day, he will show just how much he cares about women by grabbing 10 pussies.
“It doesn’t even matter if she’s ugly,” said President Trump. “She could even be fat. Or old. I treat all women equally and with tremendous respect. Tremendous.”
Though Trump has done many things over the course of his presidency that shows just how much he respects women, such as his efforts to defund Planned Parenthood and replacing the ACA with a new program that would make affording pregnancy nearly impossible, Trump intends to prove just how much he really respects those baby makin’ machines.
At exactly 3:00 p.m., the President of the United States will stride up and down the hallways of the White House, grabbing the pussies of the first 10 women he sees.
“I was going to grab 12, but then I was like ‘whoa, slow down, Don. That’s a LOT of pussies to grab,” he said. “I’m a very busy man. The busiest.”
Although President Trump has promised to carry out this valiant act of feminist heroism, to him, haters and losers are taking to Twitter to accuse him of being a sexist pig.
But Trump won’t let fake news from the enemies stop him from doing what he does best.
“I am the least sexist person. The least,” said President Trump. “No one respects women as much as The Donald. Right, Melania?”
Melania responded by asking permission to speak, crawling out of her cage in a leather bodysuit and reading from a note card, “yes, you are the most amazing, handsome, smart man with very big hands and penis. Thank you for the respect.”
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