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The Top 5 Non-Sexual Ways BC Turns You On

DISCLAIMER: BC is a Jesuit institution with no room for sexual activities!!! Even so, there are a few things every BC student will guiltily admit is a huge turn on, even if it really “shouldn’t” be. Here are the top 5 non-sexual things on campus that are sure to arouse an Eagle:

5.) No line at Eagle’s:
You’ve clearly hit a combination of right place right time and divine intervention to end up with no line in Eagle’s. The world is your oyster. Stroll up and painstakingly select each ingredient of your bowl or customize that focaccia sandwich. From there you can saunter on out to any table and not have to walk up to Mac because there are no tables. Bonus points if there’s a kid playing the random ass piano in the corner.

4.) College rankings:
This isn’t Forbes or some accredited, reputable source that has BC ranked somewhere around the 30 spot like most of the rankings, oh no. This is some sketchy ass, no-name source that your buddy’s Aunt sent him. But it has BC at the number 7 spot so that shit is going to sweep through campus faster than the stories of your most recent drunken tirade (seriously everyone is talking about it, lock it up).

3.) Seeing the bus is one minute away:
It’s deep in January, both the temperature and your GPA have plummeted, and as funds and morale reach all time lows you once thought impossible, it’s the little things that get you through the day to day grind. Little things like the fact that as you’re waiting for the bus, the app reassures you that it’s one minute away. The promise of boarding a packed bus to either sit in a stranger’s lap or be straddled by someone you’ve never met has never been so arousing.

2.) Getting a solo elevator ride on campus:
Doesn’t matter where it is – Walsh, Stokes, or the parking garage – a solo elevator ride is a rarity and therefore a treat. No awkward eye contact with a stranger as you each are confined to a 5 feet by 5 feet metal box for anywhere from 90-180 seconds. People suck, the less you have to deal with ’em the better. It’s not like you were going to even speak to anyone if they were in the elevator with you, but it’s just nicer to scroll through the gram alone, ya know?

1.) An unguarded 30 of Natty Light at the Brighton tailgate:
Oh boy, it’s Saturday morning, you woke up about 40 minutes ago you haven’t had time to eat breakfast but you’re four deep and on Brighton’s tailgate lot. To your left you spy a Honda pilot with an open trunk and an unopened 30 of Natty Light. Like a werewolf at full moon, your inner degenerate comes out and you pounce. Tearing into cardboard and aluminum like a madman the shit beer goes down like water and you’re on the verge of drunk enough to actually watch BC football.

These are but a few non-sexual things that arouse BC students just like you everyday. Surely there are more, everywhere, all the time. Best of luck hiding that awkward boner in your orgo lecture.

Juuling, though? Not sexy. 

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