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5 Terrible Things Everyone Experiences at Warren Starbucks

The Warren Starbucks is a mysterious place where terrible things happen that should never happen inside a Starbucks. Only those who have experienced the struggle will understand.

5.) A Line to The Door:
It never seems to be a line out the door, does it? Instead of being forced to wait in the Boston-balmy Florida-frigid 55 degree weather, students will double or even triple back in an unreasonably small corner formed by several bannisters. This gives you the false illusion that the line is shorter than it is, and that you can open the door all the way without giving anyone a black eye in the process.

4.) A Dearth of Pastries:
The Starbucks at Warren won’t even try to give you hope by keeping all of the display-only baked goods on display. As supplies dwindle by the wee hours of the night (otherwise known as 8:50 am), you can’t be sure that whatever you order won’t be plucked unwillingly from the case it has been in for several days. Be it a ham and swiss sandwich or pumpkin loaf, you’ll have to try ordering at least two items before hitting the jackpot with something they actually have.

3.) A Starbucks Newbie:
Some people are adrenaline junkies, and that’s okay. But is testing sleep-deprived college students really the best way to get the adrenaline pumping? These adventure seekers are always standing right in front of you and will refuse to accept the unavailability of a drip coffee. Some folks really like to test the limits by changing their mind after the order has been processed, and will only order a “large”, whatever that means.  

2.) A Mistaken Order:
Did you say dirty chai? That’s irrelevant to the order making process. You will probably end up with a chai sans espresso, espresso sans chai, or no drink at all. Whoever is making the drink knows what’s really best for you, and that happens to be a cold Americano in a hot cup, just for kicks. It’s too late to change it now, though, since you already waited in a madhouse disguised as a line for 15 minutes.

1.) Death:
You’ve waited in line. You twitched as someone who has never ordered coffee in their life takes a hack at the Frappuccino menu. You went through the 5 stages of grief for the pastries that went to those standing in front of you. You managed to gulp down a hot beverage over ice (HOW?!?). The end is nigh. Be prepared for death, because once you step through the doors at 700 Commonwealth, doom shall fall upon us all.

 

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