It’s officially midterms at Boston University, and everyone here knows what that means: it’s Mugar time. Everyone hates it, either because it forces you to face the assignments pushed ’til Monday morning because, duh, the bag isn’t going to slap itself, or that it reminds you of that time that you maybe, probably OD’d a little on Vyvanse. Regardless of the reason, know you’re not alone — you’ve got a built-in Mugar buddy in the form of a big, fat rat. Sheltered and better nourished than 98% of BU students, he’s been around for years and is a fuzzy shoulder to lean on whenever an existential crisis sets in. Love him or mildly dislike him, here are the benefits of having such a special, outdoorsy friend.
5.) He makes the library feel more… natural:
No one else gets to do their homework with woodland creatures. That’s some Barbie crap right there. Forget your study buddy who, let’s be honest, is a kid you half-heartedly invited from class hoping he’d just send you photos of his notes and not show up. You now have a new furry friend with whom to spend the cold, lonely nights.
4.) He reminds you nothing matters:
Just when you thought Mugar was an outdated Azkaban, this little guy will scurry right on by your desk and give you a slap in the face of a reminder that you, with your hair up in a greasy ponytail and fingers stained with Cheeto dust, are no better than Mugar. The rat is to Mugar as you are to Stuvi. Think about that as your panic attack subsides. The Rat™ has no time for you. In fact, it did you a favor by showing up at all.
3.) And yet, you’re !~special~!:
The Rat™ chooses his victims friends carefully. It’s kind of an honor to spot him so feel free to leave your legs, bag, food, etc. on the floor and he might just beeline over. He’s probably not diseased, plus student health will totally fit you in if it’s an emergency!
2.) He’ll keep you on track:
Once you hit that 2 a.m. mark it feels like nothing matters and you start to seriously consider seekingarrangements.com as a source of income. You know what jolts you awake better than anything? Feeling a rat crawl across your feet. The perks (constant awareness/constant vigilance) that come along with this little guy aren’t mentioned in the BU pamphlets.
1.) He’ll teach you that you can do anything:
This lil’ guy is going to BU for free. He’s dodging the 67k tuition, swindling free room and board, and subsisting off other people’s food. Yeah, his diet is mainly the little bit of liquid left in the 5-hour ENERGY cap discarded in a cubicle wastebasket, but who’s to judge. You can be an Allston rat or you can be an educated, classy Mugar rat. The choice is yours, don’t disappoint him.
So, thank you Mugar. You’ve brought the magic of nature indoors. Students will no longer break from stress now that there’s a therapy animal around. And, if you happen to be blessed enough to see your new friend, maybe leave out a healthy snack. We need him for finals, too.
WATCH: You JUUL, bro?