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A Definitive and Brutally Honest Ranking of All BU Housing

In case you haven’t read the 99 emails that BU Housing has sent you, reserve your f***ing on-campus housing for next year! However, forking over a nonrefundable $600 can be difficult considering the housing options. Fortunately, The Black Sheep has conducted an honest housing evaluation so that you’ll know what you’re getting yourself into. Forget the cryptic floor plans and pixelated images of Hojo’s interior on Google Images. We’ve rated BU housing based on what they’re actually like so that you don’t have to.

9.) Warren Towers:

Dysfunctional elevators and having to swipe your BU ID 60 times before being allowed in can only mean one thing: Warren Towers. Sure, the three-tower prison has absolutely failed at providing hospitable security guards and a smooth ride up to your miserable dorm, but at least you don’t have to scavenge for food outside (if you can stomach the occasional food poisoning). Oh, and you’re also close af to all of your CAS classes, so that’s a plus.

8.) The Towers:

Some people might think that this home for primarily underclassmen is a “hidden gem” among BU, but it has nothing to hide. Literally nothing. No dining hall to eat at in the building and no food alternatives. A six-minute walk to class is probably the only “impressive” element to this hidden tower, but that’s reaching. Unless you want to consume air every day, you’ve got to make the strenuous, five-minute voyage to either Bay State or Warren for a hearty helping of salmonella. Pick your poison.

7.) West Campus:

If you absolutely hate being in the center of BU’s bustling campus, then take a trip on BU Bridge’s metal strip to West Campus’ three Hells: Rich, Claflin, and Sleeper. You’ll be able to trade in some d-hall diarrhea for real food from the 24-hour Star Market, T. Anthony’s, Sunset Cantina, and T’s Pub. After you’re done fulfilling your Freshman 15 goals, why not do the Allston Crawl and hit up some frat parties? It’s dirt cheap and more of a party than being locked away in a Tower. Just know that while your calves will be jacked and the weekend will be full of festivities, the daily trek to CAS will be an L.

6.) South Campus:

‘Twas the night before housing selection, when all through South’s dorms A few creatures were stirring, ‘twas a few mice and some worms.” While South may be abundant in critters, it lacks functioning elevators (how dare you make me walk up one flight of stairs every day.), a dining hall for the dormitory dwellers, and a decent party scene. Yet with no uptight security guards and no RAs begging you to come to some boring floor event, you’ll have plenty of time to figure out how to “cook” in your apartment’s kitchen.

5.) Myles-Standish Hall and Danielsen Hall:

If you can’t Standish living at a BU Shuttle stop that’s Myles away from civilization, then don’t live there or in Danielsen. First off, you don’t have a super close dining hall and even worse, if you live in Myles, then you consciously made the decision to wake up at 6:30 a.m. every day to the sound of construction workers drilling and hammering ancient buildings into a livable abode. Nonetheless, if you don’t feel like walking to a dining hall, then you’re basically in Kenmore. Places likes Quality Mart, UBurger, and Cornwall’s will keep your hangriness in check, but until August rolls around good luck getting some decent shut-eye.

4.) Hojo:

Hello darkness, my old friend. It’s the wannabe emo hotel that doesn’t provide food service. You’d think that having luxury air conditioning makes up for this dreary concrete mass, but it just adds to the frigid ambience of this aspiring hotel. For the absurd price that you pay to live here, it sure looks cheap and hostel. At least the RAs are chill and the elevators work.

3.) Kilachand Hall:

This housing option is what you call smart living. This dorm is close to class, next to the best dining hall on campus, has air conditioning (!!!), and just has good vibes all around. The con? You have to be smart to live here. That means no partying is allowed around here. The life of your party will be studying on the ninth floor while your friends go across the river to hang with the Harvard and MIT frat bois.

2.) Bay State:

Known affectionately as Bae State to many, this historic housing option has its reasons for being BU students’ bae. You’ve got the best dining hall (and Late Nite) just around the block, you’re close to class, and you get a decent view of Boston and the Charles River for a change (Yes to looking at water every morning). If you don’t mind dealing with some pretty prehistoric elevators, then you might have yourself a bae for next semester.

1.) StuVi:

In BU’s shitty housing lottery system, StuVi is, without question, the jackpot. Lottery winners who can win their way into one of these superior complexes will enjoy the whole package: actual functioning elevators, excellent ambience, and the ability to concoct a “five-star” meal. Of course, like the three Hells across the street, the walk to class can be a hike, but we only gave StuVi a D instead of an F for that. Why? You have a better chance at catching the BU Shittle every morning than the West Campus peasants next door.

Now that you know how screwy some of these housing options are, pray that BU Housing will bless you with a decent lottery number this time around. It’s time to cough up $600 and hope that the housing gods guide you to StuVi or Bay State.

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