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Report: Frustrated Comm Ave Looking to Return Countless Lost Terrier Cards

Commonwealth Avenue has reported its immense frustration with the Boston University student body after it collected seventy-five lost Terrier Cards from across its 1.3-mile radius over this past week, which it has cited as a new record.

“You’d think students would keep a closer eye on the card that guarantees them entrance into where they live and eat,” grumbled Commonwealth Avenue. “I’m the entire reason they can get from one place to another… well, not the entire reason, but I do a much better job than the slow-as-hell T and the unreliable BUS. The least students could do is pay more attention to their belongings.”

It turns out that Terrier Cards are not the only possessions that students drop all over Commonwealth Avenue.

“Don’t even get me started on Canada Goose jackets! I’m dreading winter for that very reason,” exclaimed Commonwealth Avenue, thumbing through a stack of Terrier Cards. “Students pay up to $750 for unnecessarily glorified winter coats and then drunkenly lose them somewhere around Packard’s Corner for me to find after the weekend is over. Thanks, but no thanks.”

The BUS, which runs from 710 Albany Street to 33 Harry Agganis Way in its arguably half-assed service to Boston University students, felt sympathy for Commonwealth Avenue’s plight.

“I wonder where I should return students’ belongings all the time,” answered the BUS when asked if it encounters the same problem. “Students are always talking about how they’re losing this thing they call their ‘motivation,’ especially around midterms and final exams. I’m not really sure what that is, but students seem to lose it all the time during their ride to class. Actually, I wish I could expand on my thoughts about what ‘motivation’ is, but I’m running late right now. Sorry!”

“I’m surprised the BUS doesn’t know what motivation is,” responded Commonwealth Avenue when briefed on the BUS’ comments. “I always thought it didn’t have the motivation to be on time for the students who use it. But I know I don’t have the motivation to keep collecting Terrier Cards, Canada Goose jackets, and room keys with no place to return them!”

Commonwealth Avenue is somewhat relieved that winter is on its way; less students walking from place to place means less dropped Terrier cards.

“I try to think positively about the wintertime,” said Commonwealth Avenue on the subject of whether or not its situation will improve. “The Boston winter makes it too cold for most students to use my sidewalks, so that usually means I can spend less time collecting dropped belongings. Maybe with my spare time I’ll finally get around to lodging a complaint with the Terrier Card office.”

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