In the wee hours of the morning, with a problem set staring you down and deadlines dancing like reincarnated horrific sugar plums in your head, it can be hard to even look at your homework. Avoid it by putting things on top of it. If you can’t see it, it probably doesn’t exist and you basically don’t have to do it! Right?
7.) A Plate of Nachos from Sunset Cantina:
Who can possibly think about homework in the presence of NACHOS? Frickin ‘chos baby, all the way from the sorta-authentic Sunset Cantina! Steaming hot tortilla chips, cheese, and peppers… heck, maybe even a little sour cream if you’re feeling crazy. Make ’em real greasy then just plop ’em down on that Chem 102 report due tomorrow and blamo, the grease and subsequent stomach cramps will make it go away real quick.
6.) The Beyonce Discography:
Well, now you have to listen to them all. At least once. And some songs at least 6 times. There’s no turning back now, and who can possibly think about finishing your chem prelab when “Baby Boy” is on. Make that nobody! Homework who? Your homework has been snatched. Wig nonexistent.
5.) A Prospective BU Student:
“Hey, how did you get here? Wait, have you committed yet? What dorm did you say you want to live in?” There are exactly the things you say when a living, breathing prospective student suddenly appears on your desk. That’s definitely how it will happen. And then you’ll spend 7 hours explaining the pros and cons of each residence hall and end up questioning why you’re at this school and what you have even done in this past year.
4.) A Single, Lonely Convenience Point:
Don’t even ask how a convenience point could appear on your homework or what a convenience point even looks like. Just spend it! SPEND THAT SHIT! An unspent convenience point is like throwing out candy…or a baby? Just spend it to allow it to rejoin its fiends in the BU 802.1 X cyberspace and think later. Thinking is for people who have homework and no convenience points.
3.) A Newborn Baby:
Where’d the baby come from? Maybe from the sporty stroller of a Kenmore #hotmom? Too bad, no time to think of that of homework when have to raise this baby to adulthood. Homework is for empty nesters. Feed that baby. Teach it to love. Teach it to play the piano. Teach it to play hockey, and sell it back to BU to retrieve your soul. Name it Groony, or Tetris. Just be a good parent, okay?
2.) A Bottle of Wine:
Head down to the Wine Gallery and grab a bottle. Put it on top of your laptop. Well, now you have to drink the whole thing. You’re not just gonna let it sit there, are you? No you won’t. Half-full wine bottles are just depressing, and that’s why you have to drink that whole bottle right now. We don’t make the rules.
1.) A Dank Meme for Normy Teens:
*strained breathing* Must… post… It’s like your newborn baby, you can’t just leave it there. You need to nurture it and put it out in the world of BU Memes for Normy Teens, where it can finally be dank and memey. Don’t let it go to waste. Don’t let its full potential wither away. It might not be timely by the time you are done with your work!
Now that your desk is teeming with live objects and food and memes, there’s no way that homework could exist under there! Sit, back, relax, and enjoy your new responsibilities of drunken cheese-stupor parenthood. Good luck!
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