The dreaded finals week is upon us. It doesn’t matter if this is your first finals week here at BU, or if you’re a seasoned veteran; this is the part of the semester when you really test not only your intelligence, but also your calorie intake, your lack of sleep abilities, and your Red Bull limit. So whether this finals week brings you 1, 2, 16, or the coveted 34 exams, here are the DOs and DON’Ts of every BU’s week of hell.
DO stay up all night before your final tweeting BU Dining Services about your lack of dining points. Sleeping through your exam is the most surefire way to please your parents. After all, they are always telling you to get more sleep, right?
DON’T drown yourself in the Charles River. We know what you’re telling yourself. “Drowning myself in the river is the best study break!” But really. Don’t.
DO buy a pet Boston Terrier to help relieve the stress that you will feel during finals. This is also essential for when you use the “my dog ate my test” excuse, or for when you want to warm the heart of your RA.
DON’T cheat on your finals. C’mon, you’re better than that. Okay, maybe not. No one else knows the answer any more than you do, so you’re probably better off just guessing.
DO infect yourself with the flu. If you’re sick, you can’t take the exam. Or, even better, you can puke all over your test. Your professor will definitely feel bad for you and give you an A!
DON’T stress eat. Going back for your 400th plate in the dining hall will just make you feel guilty. In fact, don’t eat at all that week. More time for studying!
DO study with friends! But make sure to give them all the wrong answers so the curve is higher.
DON’T spend any money. Ever again. Not even on rent. Finals week is when you need to start saving up for the extra 9 semesters that you will need to take after failing all your classes. Practice makes perfect. Eventually, even you can be the one saying “what is Newbury?”
DO stand up. This may be difficult as you’ve probably been sitting for the last 94 hours, but taking a step is good for you and will be good exercise. Maybe even leave Mugar. Don’t let the burning sensation in your eyes from the bright outdoors stop you from getting that breath of fresh air.
DON’T compare yourself to your classmates. Of course you are much less intelligent than they are, so why put yourself through the stress of trying to achieve their level of success? It’s better to just accept your intelligence level and your future life as a homeless person now.
DO drown your sorrows and stress in alcohol. Alcohol is legal for everyone of all ages all the time, so make sure to invite your professor and your on-call RA to a finals pre-game session in Warren.
DON’T take your finals. The same outcome is achieved either way so why not just give up while you still have your sanity?
DO take advantage of the enactment of Massachusetts Question 4 on December 16. Weed is the answer and really always has been the answer, and if you haven’t tried it yet, the morning of your first final is a great time to test the effects. At least now you can do it legally!
Hopefully you take these DOs and DON’Ts to heart and use them to help you get through this incredibly difficult time. Good luck and godspeed, Terriers.