With just one full week left in the Spring 2018 semester, students are preparing for another round of Boston University “education” to come to its conclusion. In light of the impending end to the school year, we at The Black Sheep thought that it might be fun to have a look back at what was totally hot at Terrier Nation these past two semesters—and, conversely, what fell on the cooler side of the pillow. We present this year’s Hot and Not of BU.
Can’t get enough of that 60/40 gender ratio, baby. That’s what we love about the girls at BU. There’s more than enough of them to go around, that’s for sure, right fellow bros? Yeah d00d, Saturdays Are For the Boys *fists pounds*.
Boston’s favorite canine was back at it again this year with the fire moves, whether it be the Whip™, the Nay-Nay™, the Moonwalk™, or the HumpDawg™. He made the girls wet, the boys wetter, and himself wettest of all. Rhett rhymes with wet, after all. And sweat, bet, and vet. Rhett met with the vet on a set bet that he couldn’t sweat and was let off with a threat and a debt.
BU Villanova Basketball Fan Club
Recognizing the inadequacies of our own puny men’s basketball team, these titans of prediction essentially earned themselves full rides with the winner’s money made from their March Madness brackets. Take notes, kids: school spirit doesn’t bring home the bacon.
BUPD police chief Robert Molloy
He set a new collegiate record by successfully chasing down and apprehending 37 drunk streakers on Marathon Monday. As a result, BU recently appointed him as head coach of both the cross-country and track and field teams.
President Brown’s Pornstache
Our head honcho’s flowing white whiskers returned this year to continue dominating the maiden market. Nothing carries more sexual allure than some Arctic forestry above one’s upper lip. Ladies just love that bush-on-bush action, if you know what we mean. With facial hair that potent, President Brown clearly gets all the condom-less sex.
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Refer a friend for a marketing job, get $100 if they’re hired!
Penn State – $300 Referral Bounty
Indiana – $300 Bounty
NC State – $300 Bounty
Mt. Everest called. It wants its height record back. Seriously, you would’ve thought BU tuition would’ve waited until April 20 to get that fucking high.
SAR student caught gorging on Twinkies on 4/20
The greedy pig sputtered out “4/20 munchies” as the reason for their Satanic eating ritual. They were promptly banned for life from Sargent, allotted mandatory liposuction surgery, and smacked with 40 hours of community service. Justice is served.
Dean Elmore’s haircut
It was MIA for the entire school year. It may have had something to do with his receded hairline. We can’t say for sure.
The Integrated Life & Sciences Engineering building
BU’s $150 million penis enlargement has prompted COM to offer a brand new major next year: Shadow Puppetry. Seriously, what this giant grey monstrosity did to the COM building makes HoJo look like a festival of light. Maybe next year Rajen “Rich Boi” Kilachand will donate an actual beach. Seems like he could afford it.
Springtime at BU
Hello? Is this Mother Nature? I’d like to return my Boston Springtime package, please. I paid for sunshine, flowers, and pollen allergies. I received rain, hail, Formula One wind speeds, and clouds grayer than an ENG freshman’s hair. I’m expecting a full refund.
As you can see from this list, it’s been another year of ups and downs. But even with this year’s Nots, we know all you Terriers will be back in the fall for another year of being U. Mostly because your parents won’t let you transfer to Bunker Hill Community College But hey, the details aren’t important!
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